Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Let It Be

I dug up an old Beatles CD one of my students gave me because for the past few weeks the song "Let It Be" has been running through me head for some reason. I think I’m going to make that the theme song of this new year, 2010 (Happy New Year everyone by the way). I usually have a list of resolutions and goals I’m intent on achieving for the year but this year I just haven’t felt the desire to make more. That might sound counter-productive but I don’t think it is for me, I'm just taking a different approach. Sometimes I’m so intent on changing things and not accepting what is that I drive myself crazy (those who know me well know I’m a little crazy), and end up missing out on what is while trying to force what isn't. Really a lot of goals from last year I’m just carrying over to this one anyway. Maybe I’ll just see where life takes me this year (and nobody insert the Alice and Wonderland quote here – you don’t always have to know where you’re going.) My dad actually asked me last night at dinner if I was going to be like Emily Dickensen since I’m in my room a lot working on things. After an uncomfortable silence he said he was kidding but part of me is afraid of that happening – not the leaving behind a legacy of the written word to mankind part, which would be cool, but the solitary, reclusive life part. I like people too much. So I guess I've got to work on the balance thing. For now, I’m still looking for work and avenues of what to do next. I've started keeping a journal of what I do everyday so I don't feel like an unproductive loser. My daily log usually ends up with something like a few hours job search, running, looking for ways to move to England or New Zealand for awhile, emails, a little guitar practice, some reading, a Diet Cherry Coke (very important), and some freelance or creative writing. And then there's something random everyday like baking caramel brownies (yesterday) or going to a movie in the middle of the day (let's just say I've seen New Moon more than once and I'm too unemployed to feel shame about my guilty pleasure. Vampires and werewolves make me feel better, I don't care how cheesy it is.) All in all, I'm doing the best I can, trying to be patient and learn to let things be. I also have to say I'm going to a Children's Writer's conference in NYC at the end of the month (scbwi) and I'm excited about that. I'm still trying to shop my book around and look for different opportunities of meeting people and networking so I figured why not - I've got nothing to lose and am most passionate about this right now so, in the words of Mrs. March I'm going to embrace my liberty and see what wonderful things come of it!