red head talks

O Canada, ay?

2011-08-04T15:23:00.001-07:00

I love Banff! And I mean that. If I had another bumper sticker (next to the I Love NY and the Yellowstone one) that is what it would say.

I just got back from a trip to Canada with some friends who participated in the Calgary Iron Man 70.3. I pretty much had two main thoughts as I laid on the grass all day waiting for the triathletes to roll in: A) I need to be out there doing this too - being a spectator gets old; and B) These people are crazy. I like my daily runs of reasonable length where my muscles aren't screaming the following day.

My friends' (Lana & Tony) hard work paid off, though. They got into the world championships next month in Vegas. I, on the other hand, found running around Calgary's Prince Island the highlight of my athletic exertions. There's something about a city built around a river. It reminded me of Europe. So did the fact that everything closed around 5pm. Seriously? Museums, shopping, even Subway and Quiznos, closed in the evening. When I asked the concierge about it she informed me that Calgary is pretty much dead at night, no one hangs around (I guess in that way it resembles Salt Lake City).

While we were there, even the daytime was dead because of some long holiday weekend that most Canadians we asked couldn't tell us the purpose of. Random holidays sound great to me! The people were really nice though, and their accents pretty charming. To me, it resembles a Minnesotan accent. I think I picked it up while I was there. I keep talking like a Canadian and adding, "ay" onto everything, and it's not because I'm making fun of them either. Accents for me are really just addictive.
After Iron Man and a day at the Glenbow museum (which I really enjoyed...enhanced my appreciation for modern art and tried to make some of my own with Lana - see picture)

we headed to Canmore just 12 miles from Banff. We stayed at a nice resort called the Falcon Crest (like the tv show if you're old enough to remember) and loved it there as well. It was like an even cooler version of Park City or Jackson Hole and yes, the weather was cooler up there too. A nice 70 degrees.

There was a unique mountain range there called The Three Sisters and pretty much beautiful mountains all around. We headed into Banff the next day and that was definitely my favorite part of the trip, even though driving up through Glacier was awesome too. I've never enjoyed breathing so much. The scenery in Banff just had it all going on, from the glacier-cut mountains, to the glacier-milk waterways (a term for the milky greenish-blue water. Looks so good I could drink it.)

The place just has good vibes. I think I liked it almost as much as Yellowstone and that's saying a lot for me. We saw a new animal to the side of the road almost throughout the entire day. It was like someone was cueing them to show up (I secretly think they might have been). It was almost too good to be true. We saw a total of 8 bears.

EIGHT BEARS in one day - 2 black cubs, 2 brown cubs, and 4 mamas. It was awesome. And our grand total, thanks to Lana's computing skills, was 28 animals. Unfortunately, I've still yet to see a wolf.

Two of my favorite spots were Lake Louise (better than a postcard) and Takakkaw Falls actually in Yoho National Park right next to Banff. I had a Lord of the Rings moment. I just needed the soundtrack as I ran through the trees pretending to be an elf. If only...

Anyway, it was a great little vacation and refreshing to see new beauties. I'm also considering moving there now. Why not? Canada starts with a C just like my first and last name. By the way, I didn't realize that calling ourselves Americans bothers the Canadians. Apparently since we're all from North America we're technically all Americans so I guess they don't like the fact we usurped the name for ourselves. I'm sorry, but United States citizen is too many syllables when I can just say American. If they wanted to be called Americans they shouldn't have named their country Canada. Other than that, Canada's got my vote!

The Redheaded Breadhead

2011-02-28T14:32:00.000-08:00

Well if I accomplish nothing else in my life, at least I can say I received the prestigious "Breadhead of the Month" award (the bakery equivalent of employee of the month.) I have a new nickname to go with it too - the redheaded breadhead - which my co-workers and proud family now lovingly call me. I didn't know whether I should laugh or cry when they gave it to me but the thought passed through my head, "this is not my life." I had hoped I'd be achieving a little more at this point but I guess I'll take what I can get. It's not an Oscar but it's something.
I'm actually doing quite well and not because of anything quantifiable I can report. I'm just enjoying the work, I'm enjoying being in the ring, fighting the good fight everyday and trying to overcome the resistance to be better. One of my classmates lent me this great book to read called "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield. I'm going to buy my own copy and read it again. It's all about battling (hooray for warrior metaphors) your own inner resistance, of listening to that little voice inside you that knows what you most want (or as Joseph Campbell called it following your bliss) and showing up to do the work. It doesn't matter what happens once it's out of your hands. If you show up to do the work, whether it's writing, music, marathons, whatever your heart's desire and regardless the outcome, there is enough joy in the trying and pursuing. And you know I've discovered for myself that there actually is. Maybe that's obvious, I've certainly heard it before and have probably been taught it too, but it hasn't really sunk in until now. Now I see better. For one like me who's always been so fixed on the outcome, the achievement, the resolution, the product, etc... and often fears that maybe whatever I do won't amount to anything, these new insights have been a good lesson. It really is all about the work, of learning to let go of the rest and what you can't control and being present in the work at the moment. It's getting out of your own ego more. I wish I could better elaborate but I'll leave it there. I know I still have much to learn and sometimes I have to remind myself of what Dora says in Finding Nemo: "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.... Sometimes on hard days all I can do is chant that to myself (and have some chocolate too.) I think I've become a chocolate junkie.
Other than that I'm still running, writing, riding the Big Blue Bus to UCLA. Life's pretty busy and good. I can't believe another month is gone. The end of my 2nd quarter is in 2 weeks. One more quarter, a whole new screenplay in 10 weeks this time, and that, we'll see...
And since I mentioned the Oscars earlier, so glad The King's Speech won best picture. That and Inception were my favorite films of the year. Well, on to March, the month of the Pisces, my month actually so maybe the whole Dora swimming thing is an apt description for whatever lies ahead. Embrace the adventure!

LA wish come true

2011-02-06T10:12:00.000-08:00

So, studying screenwriting at UCLA and being so close to Hollywood I've had some great opportunities to hear from seasoned professionals and attend some cool screenings, especially with it being Oscar season. My wish finally came true when the director I've wanted to hear from most since being here finally had a screening and Q&A this last Friday: Christopher Nolan. I find it amazing that time after time he can create not only big blockbusters that a variety of people love (including me), but that they also have such depth and great story to them. He is a great storyteller, and I was excited to go listen to him. There wasn't necessarily one thing he said that stood out. It was the whole experience of being there and seeing someone who has been so successful and continues to be while maintaining a strong sense of what makes him unique. It was kind of cool that Guilllermo del Torro was the one who mediated, and they talked about their influences and love of noir, Borges, trying different things to tell good stories and really get to the simple, bare bones of an idea. Just two great directors just chatting for all of us. We were not allowed to ask questions about The Hobbit or Batman, however. Not that there was even much time for questions, but you take what you can get. This is another thing I love about LA (besides the awesome weather), having all this so close...and yet when you figure in traffic it's not nearly as close as you think which brings me to the thing I hate most about LA - traffic. It seriously took me 2 hours to get from Redondo Beach to UCLA which is really only about 30 miles away. Then it took another hour to get to the Egyptian theater in Hollywood. I was getting so frustrated with the lack of movement, with being so close to my destination and yet moving so glacially slow that I thought I wouldn't make it in time that I could feel my body heat rising and my habit of talking to myself increasing rapidly. I'm so glad we made it in time. It was a sold out theater, mostly fan boys. They asked that no one film any of the interview since they're using it for promotional stuff, so of course the next day some fan has already edited and introduced the interview and put it on youtube for all to see. In a world of self-promotion no one cares about the rules. Or so it seems.
Friday night I also experienced another LA attraction - the food trucks. As I dropped one of my classmates off in Venice we stopped and got some tacos at the Koji truck, but not just any tacos...Korean and Mexican fusion tacos. It was so delicious I didn't care that I'd already had a falafel sandwich before the movie and couldn't fit anything else in my stomach. I made room for these delicious creations. And they were actually cheap too. It was a good weekend, and good to get out and enjoy LA. Still love the little house by the beach, though.

Pocketful of Sunshine

2011-01-09T17:19:00.000-08:00

Hello 2011! Christmas break in Utah was good and I enjoyed being with family, but I have to give a shout out to California Januarys (I'm not sure how to spell the plural of that). Typically I have always labeled January as the worst month of the year. Absolutely hate it. But being back in California for it has definitely taken the edge off. Running on the beach in shorts, waking up to sunny days, even occasionally turning on the AC button. It's a beautiful thing. I even love California's version of the snowman (which also doubled as the great pumpkin on halloween when a neighbor down the street threw a festive blanket over it.) And this snowman will never melt. That's quite comforting. I also have to say what a satisfying thing it is to go outside and pick your breakfast off the tree. The orange tree in the backyard is in full bloom and after a morning run I usually pick one off the tree and have it for breakfast. Joy in the simple things, that's what I'm going for these days.

Having said that I can move on to the not-so-joyous things (at least at the moment). Class started up again at UCLA last week and we brought in the first acts of our screenplays to receive feedback. It felt like a slaughter. I'm sill trying to revive my spirits. Why?...I guess so I can go to battle again next week. This prescribed process of writing has just been a challenge for me and I must admit I'm finding it difficult to hear my own voice amidst all these others telling me what they think I should do. I've finally decided that all I can really do is just keep working at it. Even if I feel like a hack that will never be good at anything, I just have to keep my head down and keep working, keep trying. That is the only meaning I feel right now. That's all I'll say about that for now.
Other than that, I worked 3 very long days at the bakery restaurant this week, feeding the masses, making cappucinos, scraping obscene amounts of food into the garbage, trying to avoid some of the unsettling leers from the cooks, and secretly envying all the people going out to lunch (since going out to lunch is actually one of my favorite things to do.) Needless to say, the last 3 days have been exhausting. I never thought I'd be back to food service. But on the plus side it's interesting to have surprised even myself. So I'm getting back in the swing of things, trying to pack as much as I can into this school year, and watching a lot of movies. Speaking of which, did anyone else get on itunes and buy that song "Pocketful of Sunshine" after watching the movie "Easy A"? Ben and I watched it my last night in Utah and both of us randomly bought the song the next day. I played it for my little nieces over New Year's, too, and we practiced some good dance moves. I know the song came out a couple of years ago but, sadly, it is new to me. So here's to 2011...may it be another year of adventure with many and varied pockets full of sunshine.

From the Ghetto to the Golden Girls

2010-12-21T22:02:00.000-08:00

Well, it's Christmas time...again...and that must mean I'm up here in the high altitude of salt lake city waiting for the magic of Christmas to come and go. By the way, I was in the Park City area today and the fire warning was low, so good news. Of course, there was also a blizzard today but that doesn't necessarily mean the two are related.
It's good to be home, good to be with family, good to eat more food than is necessary, and in a strange way good to have homework again. It keeps me focused on something other than some of the ambivalent feelings that can accompany the holidays. I had to just throw that out there and be honest. Christmas is a joyful time of year and the feelings of togetherness and love can be intensified, but at the same time so can feelings of loneliness and loss. Sometimes I feel like Kevin McAllister in Home Alone as he peers longingly into other people's windows as they gather to celebrate Christmas. And yet sometimes I feel the loneliest in a crowded room. Sometimes I also wish I believed in Santa Claus again. But I know that every Christmas is different. There have been times when I've been so excited for the holidays that I actually made a Christmas countdown starting in September, and I can still repeat all the lines to Muppet Christmas Carol and sing the songs with the voices. Even though in the last few years I've felt kind've relieved with the passing of Christmas, I know that I haven't always felt this way and won't always feel this way in Christmases yet to be. Things are what they are and everything has its season - even the seasons.

So, a quick Christmas update of festivities. I made it to Disneyland for the fake snow, over-priced gingerbread, and the Haunted Mansion changed to The Nightmare Before Christmas. It was much busier than I thought it'd be, but this is coming from someone who rarely waits more than 20 minutes in line for any ride (one of the joys of being a California resident). I went with some friends and my old roommate Marcella who came to visit from New Mexico. Her main purpose in coming (besides seeing me, of course,) was to attend our 5th Annual Advent Sunday - a European tradition of music and stories to ring in Christmas. This year we moved it from LA to my temporary house in Redondo Beach (what can I say, we've gone from the ghetto to the golden girls). It was fun because those people that ventured down the 405 said they felt right at home, like they were at their grandma's house. I guess they didn't mind the floral couch as much as I do. It was a nice turn-out though. Thanks to the loyal attendees who have been to every one of them.
I worked a lot of over-time before coming home to justify my long break, and managed to get my retired neighbor, who I've only talked to a couple of times and who has a dog named Gypsy that I wish I could adopt, to drive me to the airport. After a 3 hour delay I finally made it home. With the longest night of the year now behind me, I look forward to spending the rest of the week with friends and family. Happy Christmas everyone (I still wish I was British)!

Roommates

2010-11-28T10:17:00.000-08:00

Well, it's the end of November, the end of warm weather (though compared to Utah the warm weather here never ends) and the end of my first quarter at UCLA. I can't believe 1/3 of my program is already over, but I feel like I've already gained a lot. I'm learning to assimilate the story/writing process more and I'd say that is probably the most valuable thing I've gained so far. In my Wednesday workshop class we've spent most of the time outlining our first screenplay to make sure everything's in place so I'll start really writing it over the break. A few weeks ago I was reading this article on Buddhism and the idea of Non-Attachment (enlightening in and of itself) but I realized you really can't get too attached to anything in life, not even ideas. The screenplay ideas and characters I started with at the beginning of class have vastly changed over the weeks and I'm already in a far different place than where I started. Everything does change. And the more I learn the more I realize one really has no control over anything in life except oneself (and sometimes that's even hard.)

Last weekend my sister and her family came to visit me. I tended my twin nieces all day Saturday with some action-packed plans: going to the beach, making cookies, and introducing them to one of the greatest movies of all time - Star Wars. I can't believe it took this long. They actually wanted to watch it again before bed. Abby's favorite character is Chewbacca.
Thanksgiving I spent in Orange County with my aunt Lizzy and her family. It was all about Netflix and turkey (and of course being thankful.) I was kind of disgusted with myself and how many pumpkin desserts I ate so I didn't really eat on Saturday since I was at work all day serving people more food anyway.
I have to admit it's a lot easier to feel lonely around the holidays in my little house on the hill, but lately I've noticed more and more that I'm not alone. The ants are moving in, not content to trickle in along the floor anymore but they're up on the kitchen counters, the bathroom shelves, even in the closed cupboards (that one freaked me out a little.) No matter how much I clean up stuff, they greet me every morning. Half the time I don't really do anything to get rid of them because they're the only company I have and really, when you think about it, what is the big deal anyway? This house is big enough to let the little ants get warm. I wonder if ants were included in Sleeping Beauty's chorus of singing animals, or if it was only creatures over 3 inches tall...

Calendar, Cashiering, & a Banana Nut Muffin

2010-11-15T09:00:00.001-08:00

It dawned on me the other day that the streets in my neighborhood including the street I live on, "the Path of the Stars," have no sidewalks or street lights. I think it's perhaps indicative of the path to your own stars - your dreams and highest goals - that there isn't always a set path or consistent guideposts along the way. You have to make your own path.
All that is to say I wake up everyday feeling lost and often guide-less on this journey of my life, but I keep going even in the dark. I've become a person who likes night much better than morning and I usually have to drag myself out of bed earlier than I'd like, to run, read, write and either go to class or work. Which reminds me, I started a new part-time job last week at The Corner Bakery down the street. I wanted to make some extra money and thought it'd be a no-brainer so I can have the bulk of my time and energy for my program. Boy was I wrong. I'm starting to think it could be that I'm actually not adept at anything, including something as mundane as cashiering. I've never seen so many buttons with so many options in my life, and by the way people are very impatient. I didn't expect middle-aged moms to be yelling "tuna on rye" at me.
I also babysit twice a week for 3 hours (I feel like I'm a teenager again with these blasts from my past jobs, but it's been humbling.)I tend a boy, 9 months, and girl around 3 or 4. The best part of that is the little girl calls me "Calendar" because either she can't say my name or she forgets it. Either way, I have a pretty unique nickname. Other than school and work, I've been trying to be social as much as I can, going between LA and Orange County where I know more people and have some friends. This past Saturday night was the annual Service Auction the two singles ward in LA put on to raise money for families at Christmas. Among the items up for bid were Dancing with the Stars tickets and a week at a beach house in El Salvador. My contribution - I bought a banana nut muffin for a dollar. I stayed the night and went to a ward in LA the next day for church where Larry King's 2 boys were part of the primary program. My favorite part was when the class got up to say how they helped serve others and one of the boys said he made his own bed so the maid wouldn't have to. I had to laugh. Just another day in the life...

Red at Redondo

2010-11-01T13:45:00.000-07:00

So, after leaving CA two years ago for a Utah sabbatical I'm back again (I figured I might as well since my license plate and driver's license still say California.) Plus an amazing house-sitting gig in Redondo Beach and a year-long screenwriting program at UCLA fell into place at the same time and were too good to pass up so here I am - a walk away from the beach, Trader Joes, and Yogurtland. Ah...
I've been here for 6 weeks now and am feeling more settled in my program and living arrangements.
The floral couch and 70s frames are even starting to grow on me, but though I'm living in an old lady house I'm still not ready to become an old lady yet. I would like a dog though. It does get lonely. Sometimes I talk to myself in the mirror. Or without a mirror.

The neighborhood's quiet, the view's amazing, and the street I live on actually means "Path of the Stars" (I know, cool right?) I'm starting to feel the magic again. I have class 2 nights a week and will be writing 2 screenplays this year. The program started at the end of September and ends in May, all taught by professionals. I've already learned a lot and am finding it very challenging (I'm also finding that I'm stupider than I thought. But Socrates would say that means I'm really learning so I often console myself with that thought.
Honestly, I'm here doing this program because I just love stories and I want to be better at writing and creating them. I believe Joseph Campbell is right. Sometimes you just have to follow your bliss, even if that means living off of hummus and crackers for awhile and using 1-ply toilet paper. I will be more valiant about keeping this updated now for anyone that wants to know or see what I'm up to here, and how the adventures of red (that's me) being in Redondo Beach are unfolding (at least writing about it lessens my talking to myself). Happy November everyone!

Oh January!

2010-02-09T15:44:00.000-08:00

The monday of the year is finally done (usually my most hated month) but this year it wasn't too bad. Yes it was cold and I spent most of it in unemployment but I did get a new pair of boots and let's face it, life is always better in boots. I love boots. They make me feel more powerful than I am. I'm thinking of getting a knife to slip in my boots too...you know, just in case.
This year I also got to work at the Sundance Film Festival like I hoped would work out thanks to a referral from a friend. It was a lot of fun and I so enjoyed the people I worked with and the great hours which were shorter than most film sets. I was a production assistant/script supervisor for the Sundance Channel, helping with all the interviews they did of directors, writers, and actors. I learned and saw quite a bit doing it, including, but not limited to, the fact that Joan Rivers has fewer wrinkles than I do and Frodo Baggins (aka Elijah Wood) made a perfect hobbit because he's almost as short as me but he does have all his fingers and he was very nice. (He shook my hand and said it was nice to meet me, *sigh*). Besides all the hung-over actors, and posers wearing sunglasses at night it was a pretty cool scene. But I have to say at the end of the day I was just glad to go home.
The day after that 9-day assignment ended I headed to good old NYC for the SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators) conference. Two days of workshops, speakers, networking, trying to make us feel we got our money's worth, etc... Yes, I'm still trying to get my children's novel, The Stubbs, published and hoped the conference might help increase my chances but there weren't as many publishers and agents there as I thought there would be. Most of us were in the same boat, all with stories and hopes of selling them. Sometimes I think I just wasn't cut out for this crazy, fast-paced 21st century but what can I do? I blame Joan of Arc. I think she switched places with me at the last minute. Despite feeling a little lost in the scene, I did get some leads of new places to send my manuscript and picked up some good insights and inspiration so it was a great experience.

I also got to stay with two of the greatest brunettes on the island, Pacini and Hogan (I call them by their last names cause it's more fun, especially when you say them with Italian/Irish accents.) The two of them let me sleep in the middle of their living room at their studio apartment in Chelsea and man we did have fun and good late-night talks about all the wisdom we've gained through our twenties (at least that we think we have.) We went to Alice's Tea Cup and ended up hanging out more in warm places since it was so cold. I finally warmed up enough by Monday to take a walk in Central Park (one of my favorite places) in my new purple coat which, to be perfectly honest, kind of reminds me of a Jo March type frock. I tried to get lottery tickets to see the Broadway musical In the Heights and was one of only about 5 people who didn't get picked. I've never going to take up gambling. I have no luck. I also got an early addiction to the Cadbury chocolate eggs this year, though I haven't been able to find them in Utah proving once again that New York is more progressive. Anyway, it was a great trip and a bit hard to leave. Pacini and Hogan kept urging me to change my plane ticket to stay longer since I didn't have a job to go back to but I ended up leaving anyway. For the last week I've been asking myself why I left but it's too late now. So, back to job searching, reading, trying to start on the next book, and trying to figure out if my running shoes are the right size. Ah life...what a ride.

Let It Be

2010-01-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

I dug up an old Beatles CD one of my students gave me because for the past few weeks the song "Let It Be" has been running through me head for some reason. I think I’m going to make that the theme song of this new year, 2010 (Happy New Year everyone by the way). I usually have a list of resolutions and goals I’m intent on achieving for the year but this year I just haven’t felt the desire to make more. That might sound counter-productive but I don’t think it is for me, I'm just taking a different approach. Sometimes I’m so intent on changing things and not accepting what is that I drive myself crazy (those who know me well know I’m a little crazy), and end up missing out on what is while trying to force what isn't. Really a lot of goals from last year I’m just carrying over to this one anyway. Maybe I’ll just see where life takes me this year (and nobody insert the Alice and Wonderland quote here – you don’t always have to know where you’re going.) My dad actually asked me last night at dinner if I was going to be like Emily Dickensen since I’m in my room a lot working on things. After an uncomfortable silence he said he was kidding but part of me is afraid of that happening – not the leaving behind a legacy of the written word to mankind part, which would be cool, but the solitary, reclusive life part. I like people too much. So I guess I've got to work on the balance thing. For now, I’m still looking for work and avenues of what to do next. I've started keeping a journal of what I do everyday so I don't feel like an unproductive loser. My daily log usually ends up with something like a few hours job search, running, looking for ways to move to England or New Zealand for awhile, emails, a little guitar practice, some reading, a Diet Cherry Coke (very important), and some freelance or creative writing. And then there's something random everyday like baking caramel brownies (yesterday) or going to a movie in the middle of the day (let's just say I've seen New Moon more than once and I'm too unemployed to feel shame about my guilty pleasure. Vampires and werewolves make me feel better, I don't care how cheesy it is.) All in all, I'm doing the best I can, trying to be patient and learn to let things be. I also have to say I'm going to a Children's Writer's conference in NYC at the end of the month (scbwi) and I'm excited about that. I'm still trying to shop my book around and look for different opportunities of meeting people and networking so I figured why not - I've got nothing to lose and am most passionate about this right now so, in the words of Mrs. March I'm going to embrace my liberty and see what wonderful things come of it!

Kicked Out of My Life

2009-12-16T20:03:00.000-08:00

So I know it's been awhile (hmm...6 months) but I'm back and re-committing myself to be a better blogger for anyone who cares. So here's the latest...
After the door slammed shut on my job, my place to live, and other opportunities in which I had invested a lot of hope (and all within the process of 3 cataclysmic November weeks) I decided to take a break to a place where the sun never lets you down - good old California. My brain was already foggy from trying to figure out what the universe was trying to tell me by all these major shifts coinciding together leaving me completely perplexed. Apparently it's time to start over again, time for a new chapter or by now maybe a new book. What that next phase will be, I'm trying to determine.

I thought going to California might help me figure that out. It was great to visit LA again where the temperature was in the 60s compared to single digits in Utah. My brother Ben came with me and we stayed with my old roommate Marcella who is leaving LA this month to go to school in New Mexico. It was fun driving up PCH and stopping at a cafe on a private beach where I ran into a colorful bartender I worked with in Beverly Hills when I was a hostess. He's the guy who without fail said to me every shift, "I'll give a dollar if you kill me." I told him I wasn't going to jail for a dollar. Ah...those were good times.
While there we also covered Sprinkles, running at Marina Del Rey, and my personal favorite - only to be found in Los Angeles - Hunky Santa and the Candy Cane Girls! I guess it's been going on for 9 years but this was the first time I'd heard of it. We were close enough to the Beverly Center mall that we figured, why not? In my opinion Santa shouldn't have a 6-pack but Hollywood doesn't agree. We also celebrated our 4th annual Advent Sunday to ring in Christmas with stories and music. We had a pretty good turnout and can happily report that there were no fires from the candles.
And, of course, California wouldn't be complete without a trip to Disneyland since my annual pass was about to expire. The Happiest Place on Earth was also the wettest place on earth. Rain, rain, rain. But no lines at least. Overall, it was great to see old friends and a little sad to realize how many are no longer in California. That's life. In the words of Keane, "Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same."
I also enjoyed staying with my aunt, uncle, and cousins in Huntington Beach and eating all the good food you can't get here (In-N-Out has no lines in California). It was a great break and a fun trip, though I have to admit I didn't get much enlightenment as to the next direction I should take in life. I've already applied to graduate school for next fall in dramatic writing. Since stories and the written word are what I love I decided I'm just going to go for it. I'm working on getting my middle reader's novel published as well. It's finally finished and I've already had some interested parties, I just have to shop it around more. Meanwhile I'm also looking for a job and am at my parent's house until I decide what new direction I'll take and where I'll go. Even though I feel pretty lost now and like everything's fallen apart, I'm still here. I find again that I can survive things I didn't necessarily think I could (I have to stop saying things out loud 'cause I think God hears me say it and then tests me.) But, you know, life still has much to offer at any point along it's track and I'm learning to be more grateful for all the things I have and for my personal journey. Everyone has their own path they have to follow and their own rhythm and timing and that's okay. I'm grateful for life, despite how hard it can be sometimes, and grateful to find light in so many dark places. (And I'm also grateful I still know how to spell grateful. It's been hi-jacked by too many texters, face-bookers, and the like to read greatful. Cute but no.)

Wounded Woman is released

2009-06-16T13:31:00.000-07:00

I'm still here. I know it's been a long time. I guess I've been so busy with writing other things that I haven't been writing on my blog but I'm correcting that today with some creative news.
I am happy to announce that the CD I've been working on for the past year is finally finished. The album is called Wounded Woman and has seven original songs with back-up guitars, drums, vocals, and a cello in one song played by none other than my great brother Ben. I'm really happy with the CD and think it's kind of a miracle I could even do it. I never set out with the purpose of recording an album and I'm certainly not trying to make it big now. It just happened and seemed to pour out of me in a way I've never experienced.
Those who are pretty close to me know what a difficult year the last has been for me - probably the hardest to date and for many reasons. It wasn't just because of a boy but that certainly ignited the internal upheaval. I guess I need to give that heartbreaking boy a special thanks since he's the one who got me started playing the guitar and made the CD possible. If there's one thing I've learned from this it is that good can come from any situation, any loss, any obstacle. Whatever darkness comes, there is always light to be found. I found much of mine in creating this music. It was a way to make some meaning from the chaos in my mind and heart, it was an outlet, a way to express and alleviate the things I could not understand. As a story-writer I always want a resolution, a pattern of meaning that I can look at and see the design from beginning to end. I lost the concept of that in my own life - which I know is the point, right? Faith and all that. But it's still hard and I find myself more than ever feeling a little lost and still not understanding many things. It's really true what my dad says: the longer you live the more questions you have and the fewer answers. So, in this state of not having any answers or certain resolutions I give this CD. Creating something from the experience is my answer. Imperfect as it is, certainly not Simon Cowell material, or meant to pander to popular taste, it just is what it is, from a truthful place and an attempt at doing something I never thought possible. Life can always bring new dreams. For me, the greatest thing about this music album is what it represents: That something good, some kind of light could come from something so dark. That is truly hope and that is a miracle to me.

I'm going to have a little CD release party on June 27th and play the songs live and at some point I'll probably put them on itunes. I'm just happy to share with anyone who wants to hear them - wounded or not, woman or not (and I have to say the songs aren't bitter or angry woman songs either). It's just about a journey, and I must say what a fun experience it's been to sing about this journey. And thank you Brian Bingham for helping me produce and record this music! It's been invaluable!

Adventures of a New Decade

2009-03-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

I spent my big 30th birthday on a new adventure in the Northwest: Seattle and Portland, two cities to which I've never been but have always wanted to go. So me and my best buddy and brother Ben (that's a lot of alliteration) drove to Washington Wednesday after work and stayed the night in Kennewick, then went on to Seattle the next day (I was sleepless before I got to Seattle. Maybe I was nervous about entering the new decade the night before at 2:56am.)
The weather was a little cool in Seattle but it didn't rain on us. We took the monorail into the city. The conductor told us to sit by him but warned us there was no necking up front (yeah, we got a lot of those kinds of jokes. I guess siblings typically don't travel together.)
We hit Pike's Market first - a cool place by the water where they have all these shops and the workers still throw fish, though they didn't do it when we were there. One of them did throw a stuffed fish at a lady who then spilled her coffee in her hair. That was the only fish-throwing excitement we got. We ate salmon and prawn sandwiches at a little grill in the midst of it all and then walked to a Starbucks which are pretty much on every corner since it all started there and got the only thing we really could get (hot chocolate).

We also walked into the first Nordstrom's - also started there - and breezed through all the expensive things we couldn't afford. Really, we just wanted to get warm. Then we headed back to where we started. I guess you know you're getting old when you have to sit down and rest in the middle of the day and take an Alka Seltzer from all the fattening food you ate the day before. Ben bought all my favorite sugar-laden treats for my big day.
Before dinner we went to the EMP - Experience Music Project - which happened to be free that night and open later than usual. It's a big music museum by the space needle which has interactive exhibits that lets you try different instruments, tells you about different musicians like Jimmy Hendrix and Kurt Cobain - both from Seattle, and just has a cool design and huge guitar/instrument tree in the middle of the floor. Ben and I also got to have our own band for 5 minutes. They put you in this room set up like a rock concert - flashing lights, a big screen projecting an audience, and instruments you can play. They had us make up a band name (We chose Fire in the Hole) and then we picked a song and jammed out on stage as if we were in a band. It was so much fun and we really got into it - Ben on the drums and me on this sweet white electric guitar. We bought a poster of us playing after (it's touristy, but we had to) and they printed out concert stubs for us with our band name on them and "price of admission $60.00" If only...

We had to hurry but we made our expensive dinner reservation in the space needle. The restaurant actually rotates every 45 minutes so you get a view of the whole city. Lucky for us it was a very clear night and Seattle was beautiful. What a great birthday! We stayed with my Aunt Kristy in Montesano for the night and on Friday headed up the Olympic Peninsula and to the Rainforest in Olympic National Park.

I was so excited to go, especially since my children's novel is set in the jungle and we don't really have anything like that in America except for the area in Washington. It was so green and pretty. We took a walk in the Trail of Moss too which was almost surreal. Loved it! Since Forks (the Twilight town for those who possibly don't know that) was only about 10 minutes away from the Rainforest, I made Ben drive up there so I could just see it and let my imagination run wild for a bit. It was touristy but I enjoyed it and enjoyed seeing the little things the town had done for sightseers even though the movie wasn't actually filmed there and the book wasn't written with that specific town in mind.

Apparently, they just picked out spots that matched Stephenie Meyers' descriptions in the book and labeled them as the houses and spots of interest. I did buy a button that said "Only a Vampire Can Love you Forever." La Push, the beach on the Indian Reservation about 20 minutes away, was very pretty and a good spot for pictures. We had our lunch there before heading back to the Rainforest and then down the coast past Ruby Beach. I love seeing the forest and ocean on both sides of me. How amazing.

Saturday morning we drove down the coast across the Columbia bridge into Astoria and then made our way down to Portland - also a cool city. It was a bit rainy but not bad. We just happened to run into a Trader Joes and stocked up (man I wish they had those stores in Utah!) Then we went to NW 23rd avenue where my friend told me we would find some cool boutiques and cool atmosphere, which we did. The city has a charming style and authenticity I really liked. I like the feel of the Northwest.

The houses were cool too and colorful with a kind of old-fashioned charm. Ben noted after experiencing both cities that there weren't many redheads around (which is unfortunate) and actually not many blondes either or maybe they just don't succumb to bottled hair as much as they do in California and Utah. We stopped at Jake's Famous Crawfish for dinner. I love Happy Hour. I'm sure they hated us for not drinking alcohol and still getting insanely cheap, tasty food but I feel zero guilt. The other wino's will make up for it. We also went to Powell's bookstore - the biggest bookstore I've ever been in - and bought a few books. I think I would be there a lot if I lived in Portland. We drove to the Portland temple to see it at night before heading to my cousin's house for another free night's stay. I'm so thankful for family and friends. Our drive home on Sunday was along the Columbia River Gorge (which almost made up for the incredibly boring drive through Idaho). We stopped to see Multonomah Falls along the 84 highway, and even though the weather was a little snowy, the scenery was beautiful. I would love to go back in the late spring or summer.
The trip was the perfect length and I'm so glad I could go and go with my brother. It's great to get along with someone that well. I reflected on what I've been able to experience and achieve in my 20s which ended up being more than I thought after I wrote them down in my journal. I learned a lot in school and serving a mission, progressed from writing poems to an actual book (with some screenplays in between) and traveled to Europe. I also learned a lot about myself and people in general and how I want to be better. My hope for this new decade - my 30s - is to pass on those experiences and give back what I have learned and will continue to learn. It's harder for me now than it ever has been to see what may lie ahead, but as Meryl Streep said in Out of Africa, perhaps God made the world round so we couldn't see too far ahead. I'll buy that one for now. (That's a great movie by the way.)
So on to the new adventures that await and to embracing life, whatever it may bring and whatever you may work with it to bring. Of all the things I'm most grateful for, it is the relationships with others that bring me the most joy and meaning and I am ever so grateful for that.

Missing Hubcaps

2009-02-11T20:59:00.000-08:00

I've had a missing hubcap for a couple of months now, which my dad frowns upon because he thinks it's white trash, but when I drove back to California a few weeks ago to work for a few days I noticed that most of the cars in LA have one hubcap missing probably from all the street parking so maybe I fit in there more than I thought.
I apologize for the gap in updating my blog. January is my least inspiring month and I haven't found much motivation in finding stuff to write about so I didn't. I will say I've been working on finishing the re-write of my children's book, tweaking my first album which I plan to have done by my birthday, looking at masters programs, reading Bonds That Make Us Free with some friends from work - very insightful about your way of being and how you interact with others, - and discovering Horatio Hornblower. I love the British. My mom's been recovering nicely from her surgery - still as fiesty as ever - and I think Ben and I solved the ant problem in our kitchen six ant traps later. I also got to experience the Sundance Film Festival for the first time this year. It was crowded but I saw a great film called Adam which was a surprisingly refreshing love story. I love well-written scripts and want to get better at writing them myself. My recent trip to California was productive. I taught in Compton and West LA, tried a great new Italian restaurant, ran on the beach twice (I love California weather, it makes me happy),went to Disneyland, spent time with my nieces and found some cheap stuff at the swap meet (and had a lovely nap after), and made the entire road trip by myself which I decided I don't want to do again. The drive's too long, I don't have cruise control, and I got tired of talking to myself - even in my different accents. But it did make me feel good that the gas station attendant in Baker wished me a good trip and sincerely asked me to drive safely. Wow, some stranger cared. I was genuinely touched. I drove back to Utah on Groundhog's Day and was so glad I didn't wake up to Sonny and Cher the next morning and have to repeat the drive over again. I'm also enjoying being a Relief Society teacher and gave my first lesson in my new ward on the same day Ben and I were asked to speak in Church. My brain felt kind of taxed but it was an edifying Sunday. I've been thinking a lot about balance lately and how balance is the key to everything. One can't be too extreme in one direction or the other but develop wise judgment and be responsible to exercise judgment in the variety of situations that we encounter, that our unique to us and to circumstances. I'm finding that things aren't always so black and white like Star Wars or Lord of the Rings (still my favorite movies). Life requires the constant examining and exercising of justice and mercy, of judgment between what is right and what is wrong for each of us in our different spheres. Of course there is a basic foundation and important, basic building blocks but the more I learn the more I realize how sparingly absolutes should be used and applied to ourselves and to others. Life is about balance. So maybe I should lose another hubcap just to make it even.

In the Bleak Midwinter - there is hope

2008-12-24T08:38:00.000-08:00

Regardless of what Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray, and Oprah say, sometimes the best gifts at Christmas are the re-gifted ones. My family found out last Thursday, after my mom had to go to the emergency room in tremendous pain, that there was a large tumor growing inside her about the size of a large grapefruit. That emotionally charged and frightening word "cancer" has hung in the air all weekend, especially scary for my dad who is also sick with Parkinsons. Yesterday as I waited with my dad in the waiting room for my mom to come out of surgery, we talked about how different Christmas would be this year - not the same as the joyous Christmases of the past with our many family traditions. I knew it would be different this year, it's already passed me by a little and hasn't been as much in my heart as in times past. The challenges and experiences of this year have definitely weighed heavily upon my heart and now this one rejuvenating, merry holiday was marked by this dark cloud, this heavy sadness with the potential to usurp the joy of the season. But somehow, and to my amazement, I didn't feel what I thought I would. I just felt a pure and simple hope - not that nothing bad or sad would happen, but a hope that all potential sadness, loss, weakness, could be overcome and by that I mean Christ can make us better inside. He can truly heal us and strengthen us. Things we never thought we could do or endure are always possible with Him. I didn't expect to write all that in my blog but it just came out and even though I often struggle to believe that I pray everyday to believe that more and more. I felt that yesterday - the true gift of Christmas, and the gift of having the good news that my mother is well. The tumor was benign and the surgery was a success. The doctor came out and told us around 6:30pm. It is a great blessing and gift to have mom back, and to be reminded of the gift she is and the gift that family relationships truly are. All seven of us kids and my dad gathered around her bed last night as she came back from recovery and we said a family prayer together. How grateful I am for my family this Christmas and for the gifts the Savior gives that we don't always realize are gifts. I am grateful for that.

Now, to transition to a few of the things that have happened since I last wrote which was a long time ago cause I've been a slacker. I went to California a couple of weeks ago to sustain my complicated Catherine-like lifestyle. I flew back to substitute for one day so I keep my health beneftis and this time I went to teach in Compton. I didn't have my own car with me so I relied on the mercy of my uncle and a great friend in Huntington Beach to drive and pick me up. They both have pretty nice cars so I was a bit concerned for them but they thought I was worth the risk so I'm very grateful to them. I love the contrast between Salt Lake and LA. It's always good to be reminded what it feels like to be in the minority (not many pasty-white redheads around Compton).

I was also so hungry that day I actually broke down and bought school lunch. I know, I shocked even myself. I didn't even eat school lunch when I was in school, especially not tater-tots, but it gave me enough energy to finish out the day reading the Crucible with the the juniors and seniors. I also made a trip to Disneyland while I was there and had two glorious runs on the beach wearing shorts and a tank-top. Such a far cry from my running in Utah - fleece pants, three shirts, and a headband, and worse I haven't been able to get up in the morning and go like I usually do. Something about the complete darkness, freezing temperatures, and slippery roads that discourages me a little. I don't know, maybe it's just me. I also took a shopping trip to my favorite store in the world Trader Joes and got some Peppermint Joe Joe's dipped in chocolate. What a good trip. Still loving my roommate, my guitar time, and have a bunch of movies and books I'm looking forward to devouring this holiday break. Thought I've also got a lot of writing to do so we'll see how much I get done. Life...life is quite an amazing journey. Happy Christmas everyone (I like the way the British say it) and God bless us everyone.

D.I. Details

2008-11-16T16:13:00.000-08:00

I recently completed perhaps my greatest acting feat to date in one of the most challenging roles I've ever taken on - an employee at Deseret Industries. I like to think my character Margaret is based on the crazy part of myself that only comes out when I'm talking to myself in the shower...or in the car, especially at night when I think nobody can see me. Margaret is a spazzy, distracted, tangent-centered worker who puts chocolate candy bars in her pocket until they melt and then offers them to her supervisors (I added that little detail myself). A couple of producer assistants and I were helping with job coach training for the DI supervisors and managers who came from Washington, California, Arizona, etc... It was actually a lot of fun and it was a nice change of pace to wear ripped jeans and over-sized sweatshirts to work instead of nylons and skirts. I'm considering adopting the character of Margaret permanently after a number of the employees in training asked if I (Catherine Cook) was anything like my character cause they'd love to hang out with Margaret and go with her on some of her tangents. Hmm...I'll have to consider that, though most of my tangents take place inside my own mind reminding me of the line in Brandi Carlile's song "all of my friends who think that I'm blessed, they don't know my head is a mess..." That's definitely me!
Still loving Millcreek though the fall leaves are just about gone and now my legs turn pink when I run cause it's getting cold. My brother keeps telling me to buy running tights but I like to think I'm still in California. Speaking of running, I actually came in as the 2nd place girl in a 5K at Sugarhouse Park yesterday and to be honest I wasn't really even trying to win. It made me feel kind of good, like I'd accomplished something (as if being DI Margaret wasn't enough.) I've been wondering why I never took track in highschool. How fast would I have been 10 years ago. I'm such a late bloomer. I've also been thinking about heart disease lately - a different kind than the cholesterol one. Here it is: When you get involved with people that have messed up hearts they invariably mess up yours too. I think it's contagious. So then when you start dating someone else your messed up heart then probably messes up theirs. It's a horrible cycle and incredibly unfair. Forget STDs, how about ETDs - emotionally transmitted diseases. Stop the madness. Please straighten out your own heart before you try and win someone else's, including mine. Excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas and yes I will be going to see Twilight when it opens this Friday (though not the midnight showing. I don't want to fall asleep on Edward.)

Millcreek Mecca

2008-10-30T19:35:00.000-07:00

So I've made the foot of Millcreek canyon my mecca for the rest of 2008 with one of the best and cleanest roommates I've ever had - my brother. Yes we do get the occasional 'are you married or are you brother and sister' question to which we respond yes. We got a lot of furniture from family and friends and it's pretty dang nice too. Maybe I should have just done that in the first place instead of scavenging for free furniture in the alleyways (Naa). I still miss that big gold frame in my old yellow-walled LA apartment. I'll toast to those good memories in my new set of IKEA wine glasses, or I should say pomegranate juice glasses. The best part of where I live now is that Millcreek Canyon is a run away - granted a long run but do-able. I did it today. The fall leaves are absolutely magical and inspiring - and if you know me then you know when I say magical I mean it. I go up there with my running shoes and ipod and just let go of everything and let in the wonders of the moment and being alive. It absolutely invigorates me and in a way fills in for the ocean I left behind. Like most things I know the autumn colors won't last much longer so I'm enjoying every leaf of it while I can. I'm really enjoying work in spite of having to wear nylons, and the people we work with. We started a weekly lunch club and get together to discuss everything from Kierkegaard to Arrested Development. I'd like the lunches to be European style - 2-3 hours - but I guess I'll settle for the American way. We'll just talk faster. We went to our new singles ward this past Sunday. The RS President had us say our ages in the new member meeting (not appreciated) but I feel no shame in who I am and where I'm at - in some ways I'm better than I've ever been - so I said my real age. They "consoled" me by telling me not to worry, there are a few other members older than me. Thanks so much. I guess I can be the old lady in the ward. I do have a rocking chair in my room. My dad didn't want it to go to waste and actually I like it. So even though the average age is about 21 (can barely believe it) I'm sure I'll enjoy it and it helps that the bishopric and ward members are really friendly. I'm still looking at grad school as a possibility. My old professors at the U of U actually remember me or at least that my hair looks different. One even had an old paper of mine in his stack of "A" papers. That made me feel kind of good. I'm also still working on my book and plan to finish by the end of the year. It's one of the endeavors I feel my heart the most in right now and I need that.
I also want to take this opportunity to say how much I love the DI. We've found some great things and it's good to be able to toast bread again. Sometimes I don't know how it happens but I'm feeling very hopeful and can say life is good. Milton said each of us is a ruler of our kingdom. In the last year I've learned more and more to compare less and less and simply do my best to rule this sometimes complicated but fascinating kingdom that is me.
I will miss my favorite month of October but look forward to what lies ahead.

October Rush

2008-10-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

My favorite month is here and one good thing about being in Utah is I get to actually enjoy autumn and all the beautiful colors - that is if the snow doesn't ruin it all first. The makeup lady at Macy's once told me my coloring was "Autumn Harmony" so maybe my liking for the season is something genetic. I just got back from another visit to California where, in my crazy life, I had to drive to get a smog test to keep my car registered in California and I had to substitute teach two days so I can keep my great benefits for two more months (I'm keeping my options open). It's inspiring teaching kids who would rather put on three layers of makeup in class than actually learn about great American Literature. When asked about his plans for the future one 10th grade boy responded that he was just going to sell drugs. Wow, I miss subbing.
I saw a great play in Burbank on my trip too called R.R.R.E.D. - The Redhead Musical Manifesto. It was hilarious and it validated my redheaded trials and challenges including the obscene name calling in grade school. I'm still scarred. The show was based on the Oxford Study that redheads will become extinct in 2100 - perish the thought. Apparently all of us redheads have to do our part to make sure that doesn't happen (I won't say what that is here).
My redheaded brother Ben joined me for the weekend and we hung out with my old roommate Marcella and went to Griffith Observatory - something I'd never done in my 3years in LA - and also went to Canter's Jewish Deli, open 24 hours. It almost felt like I was in NY again minus the rude (yet strangely endearing) service. It was so fun to see old friends and all the people I love and miss in LA and Orange County. Of course we went to Disneyland too which was decorated for Halloween - gosh I love pumpkins! I also got to meet with Kamaria, my mentee for WriteGirl, and we did some writing together at Borders. All in all, it was a pretty productive trip and I'm missing California and the ocean again already - especially as it gets colder here.

So I guess it's back to work tomorrow in my nylons and skirt, working for the Man. There are some good things, though. I have rediscovered Ding Dongs while working at the COB - Church Office Building. My brother says I'm just another kernel on the COB. May I be the best kernel I can be.

Cravings

2008-09-14T13:07:00.000-07:00

I guess it's about time for an update on my uncertain life. First and most important, I had my first candy corn craving a few weeks ago which means fall is in the air. Good things always happen for me in the fall even if they fall apart in the Spring (but I'm hoping that won't happen this time.) I've been working as a producer's assistant for the past month at the Church Office Building where I'm quite literally working for the Man. The adjustment to an office job again hasn't been easy and to make it even more of a challenge I have to wear nylons everyday (most people don't even know what those are anymore) and there's no caffeine on the premises which has been tough for my recent caffeine cravings. Smuggling in is an option, however. Many do it. I'm enjoying the work though, and I get to do writing and some work with media so it's going really well right now.

I've also been working on recording my first album - yeah okay so I'm a total amateur and I haven't even been playing the guitar for a year yet but it's been fun and really good for me and I'm learning a lot. The lead guitarist of the band "The Craving" (they have a great sound by the way) has generously and patiently been helping me produce my five songs. The album should be out out by Christmas. (It just sounds cool to say that.) I've also been thinking about going back to school next fall for a Master's degree. I'm looking at English programs and also went down to BYU (they also have no caffeine on the premises - unbelievable) and got some information on their program in social work. I'd have to sign up for classes now to be eligible to apply in January so that's pretty much out for now. And as much as I love English and literature I'm not sure I really want to be an academic and deconstruct for the rest of my life. I love learning and I'm a pretty driven person but I'm just not sure grad school is the way for me. I'm keeping my options open though. My twin nieces are here from California so the whole family's been able to get together and that's been great too. I'm so grateful for family. I really miss California but I've been trying to enjoy Utah. I went to the State Fair last week, went to a rodeo last night (and learned how they get the horses and bulls to buck - poor guys) and went rock climbing yesterday afternoon in Big Cottonwood Canyon. It was only my second time climbing but we did this really high 3-pitch climb and after I did it I was really amazed that I could. It built up my confidence and courage. I think there really is a tie between physical challenges and emotional or spiritual challenges. It felt really good to conquer some fears, or at least contend with them.

Brides, Batter, and Beauty

2008-08-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

I returned to LA last week for a wedding in San Pedro overlooking the ocean. It was beautiful and quite a fun, and refreshingly intimate affair. Dinner, dancing, a program - much more interesting than a reception line. I was even given the opportunity to speak at the wedding and I have to admit I think it went pretty well. The wedding coordinator liked it, so I let her know I was available for hire to write speeches for future weddings (I'm always looking for a job). I admit I was a little nervous to go, but I listened to my elven battle ahead of time and tried to face my fears like a true warrior. It ended up going really well and I found myself in good company and well-taken care of thanks to good friends. I'm glad I went. I spent the rest of the weekend with my old roommate Marcella, who I lived with for all three of my years in the City of Angels, sometimes marked by hellish experiences that bonded us for life. We went to the fashion district on Saturday morning and to a non-English speaking Mexican restaurant for a European lunch. Any lunch where you aren't under any time constraints and you can just sit there for as long as you want and talk for as long as you want is a European lunch. That's how they do it there. I had a number of those kinds of meals on this trip and was grateful to just connect with old friends and strengthen relationships with the people I love and miss so much in California. Sunday morning, we discovered the joy of Blaster Batter for breakfast. It's basically pancake mix in a can, or you can use it for waffles too. Just spray and make a pancake in seconds (and believe it or not it's organic. I could actually pronounce all the ingredients.) Pretty amazing. Only took us 5 seconds to master the art of it. Oh the ingenuity that exists in the country to help us be that much lazier.
Sunday evening my aunt and uncle picked me up and drove me to their new beach house in Huntington Beach. What a great place. I went walking by the ocean and biking everyday I was there and got more free counseling. They're some of my favorite people to talk to. In fact I had a lot of good conversations with a number of interesting individuals on interesting topics, including why it is guys go for trophy girls (If anyone can shed any light on that feel free.) I got to hang out with another house of the coolest girls I know on 17th street. If they had room, I would move in with them. There's a number of places I could live, I'm just having a hard time deciding which one. A lot of variables and unknowns I'm trying to work out but I guess that's life. Speaking of life and European lunches, a year ago at this time I was actually in Europe - the reason I originally started this blog so people could be updated on my month long adventures there. My first country was Switzerland. So in honor of my being at the Matterhorn almost a year ago to the day, I went to the closest Matterhorn I know and spent the day at Disneyland. And yes I clicked my heels as I walked in the entrance under the bridge. After all these years, I still find Disneyland a magical place.

So the trip back to California was a good one, with some journal-worthy experiences that appealed to my good story senses (not going to post those here) and I realized how much I really miss California. Maybe I have become a California girl.

The GRE - Godless, Relegable, Enervating

2008-08-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered I'm too dumb to go to graduate school. So what am I going to do now? I'm going to satiate myself with mint desserts and vampire stories (I wish I could say I'm going to Disneyland as I still have my annual pass, but soon enough. And yes I'm into the Twilight series too. It's my guilty pleasure). I took the GRE test Tuesday morning - that could have been my first mistake, my brain is slow in the morning. I thought I was doing quite well until I got to the math section and then an additional verbal section that threw me for a loop. The test nazis always throw in an unscored section just to play with your mind and you don't know which one it will be. I'm pretty sure the section I felt I nailed was the unscored one and the section I did the worst on was the scored. Isn't that the way it goes? It's like the selected vocabulary words they chose to test me on were the ones I just didn't have in the bible-thick stack of flashcards I've been studying with for the past month. And it's not like these are words you even use. Anyone know what soporific means? (Hint: sometimes going to a long meeting at church can make you feel this way.) Needless to say I didn't score as high as I'd hoped and probably below many schools cut-off requirements. After I left the student services building and shoved the rest of my granola bar in my mouth since we're not allowed to eat or drink during the four hour test, I decided I felt a little angry. I don't think a standardized test is a fair assessment of what I know and what I can do. Maybe I've just been out of school too long. I think they should have a life experience part of the test too, for example: If you order a hot dog from a street vendor in New York and ask for the works how many toppings are on your hot dog? Or, how about what kind of shoes hold up best when trekking around Europe for a month?
All I need to decide now is whether or not I should retake the test to try and get a better score, or take it as a sign that I'm not cut out for grad school and eliminate another possibility for my future (process of elimination as a means to eventually figure out what you want to do. I seem to be there now.) What's a beatnik gypsy to do?
Some good news - I got a Queen bed set and comforter for only $25. My mom and sister-in-law definitely love shopping and its' thrill of bargains more than I do but they inducted me in to their club of getting highs off amazing deals when we went to Mervyns for a 75% off sale plus bonuses. I have to admit, I felt a substantial buzz from the experience and liked it.
I've also been reminiscing about where I was at this time last year. Getting ready for my trip to Europe. I will never forget it and am so glad I could do it. Next time, I'm taking someone with me though.

Off-roading

2008-07-16T14:28:00.001-07:00

This last week I went off-roading in the mountains. What a ride - rocky, unchartered roads, bouncing up and down (good thing the seats are soft), thick clouds of dust, and speed (not the drug of course, just driving fast.) It was kind of like one long Indiana Jones ride. And then as things were winding, I got pensive again as I often do, and started to think of my own life. Similar to when I compared my life to an ipod and mine being on shuffle, I compared my life right now to off-roading. I don't quite feel like I'm on a paved road. I'm cutting through the rocky and wild terrain, a bit blinded by the clouds of dust but trying to move forward inspite of it until I find my way again. Sounds fun, but it's actually a lot of hard work.
So I'm still in the decision-making process but I am enjoying Utah and being with my family. It's fun living with guys again, having free food and toilet paper, and laughing hard and frequently. I went with two of my brothers over the 4th of July weekend to Yellowstone National Park and hiked through Hayden Valley. Perfect weather and scenery but no wolves or bears which means no attacks and therefore no cool scars.

I'll have to stick to getting wounds from things like falling down in the shower (which I actually did once) and playing with our dog Maggie. Other than that, I'm currently studying for the GRE which I plan on taking at the end of the month, doing some freelance work on some church scripts, working on my children's writing (as always), and practicing guitar on the back porch where the horses in a nearby field come listen to me. They're good listeners but they never applaud. I've also been shopping for different kinds of hummus. I really miss Trader Joes. I also believe I may have a future in business as I creamed my family in Indiana Jones monopoly, usurping half the board and not the cheap colors either. I owned all the red, yellow, green, and blue. The summer hasn't been a total loss. And speaking of summer, I can't really even tell it's that season as I have to turn my electric blanket on every night because my house is so cold. Gotta love central air, and I do.

Goodbye to the Ghetto (and LA)

2008-06-26T17:17:00.000-07:00

I bid farewell (scoop and wave) to Los Angeles and my unforgettable ghetto apartment as I hit the road for my annual summer trip to Utah. Only this time I'm not sure where I'll be headed when summer is done. I'm sure it will be difficult to live without the helicopter searchlights every other night and the musical vendors selling everything from tamales and strangely colored pastries, to ice cream and pork rinds. I'll miss the 20 minute morning walks to my car, and gallery of graffiti art that seems to change weekly. But all good things must come to an end. Time to say goodbye to Los Angeles. I've been standing at this crossroads for a little while now, feeling the need for a change ever since I returned from Europe last fall. My wandering spirit has grown a little weary and needs a rest (I wish I knew where my Rivendell was). I guess I need to root down my imagination. It has been 3 years of diverse experiences, adventures, and growth that I'll never forget and is difficult to quantify. I'm already anticipating the questions when I get back home of what I was doing here, what I accomplished, how I furthered my career, social standing, measure of economical status in the world, blah...blah...blah. I don't think I'll have very much to show those people. But I guess it doesn't matter because it's really not about them and I have to remind myself that I don't have to prove myself to anyone else but myself. I am so grateful for the time I have been here. It has been so valuable to me and meaningful to my life. I decided to make a brief list of some of the personal things I've been able to accomplish and enjoy while here in LA (that way when people ask me I can just refer them to my blog and move on.) Here they are, in no particular order:

- Wrote 2 feature-length screenplays and continued work on a children's novel
- Completed a writing course with the Institute of Children's Literature
- Volunteered with WriteGirl, a non-profit organization that mentors teenage girls and helps them find their creative voices through writing
- Volunteered at the Los Angeles temple
- Survived as a substitute teacher for 3 years (and never had anything thrown at me)
- Traveled to Europe
- Learned to play the guitar and am writing my own songs (I'm up to four now)
- Co-wrote and directed a documentary
- Fell in love and got my heart broken
- Dated a guy with a porsche and a Swedish accent (not the same guy as the above)
- Got a $350.00 haircut for free from a guy named Ramses III (but that was a while ago, my hair doesn't look that good anymore)
- Saw the Sequoias
- Worked as a pastry chef for a day at a restaurant in Beverly Hills
- Tried out for Tinker Bell (funny story)
- Damaged my perfect driving record
- Ran a 1/2 marathon
- Met several kindred spirits
- Played the saxophone with the Italian Saxophone Quartet (or some famous group)
- Saw Hollywood for what it was and realized I didn't want it
- Made enough money to take every summer off (nothing illegal involved)
- Gained a greater understanding of, and capacity for, tolerance, empathy, and love
- Gained a greater appreciation for family and relationships with others
- Gained greater balance and perspective and formed new dreams from that

It's been a dynamic and dense chapter in my life, a lot of processing going on and I look forward to the next chapter whatever it may be.

Together Again

2008-06-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

You have to hear Kermit the Frog singing that (the above title). It's from the Muppet movie when all the muppets have been on various life adventures and are reunited again - much like my entire family finally being all together after at least 2+ years, and re-enacting our own little muppet show. It was just as fun and so fun having my two nieces, Erin and Abby, and nephew Vinny there. I like being the slightly crazy aunt. We rented a beach house in Huntington Beach (not the most exotic place for me since I used to live there but sure was nice to save so much on gas), and as cliche as it may sound it's true - the best part was just being all together. I did double duty this weekend and went to a Christian church Saturday evening and I just have to say I was tempted to switch teams. They have donuts and a coffee bar downstairs for those who want to go to church in their pajamas, exceptional play areas for the kids (I'd probably hang out there), and it was only an hour and a half. If that isn't enough you also get to wear jeans and flip-flops. The friend that took us explained that Jesus dressed casual so they did too. Makes sense to me. Jim Caviezel was a guest and spoke about his experience playing Christ in the Passion and his insights into Christianity and what it means to him. I found it very uplifting and am glad I went. But I also didn't mind putting on my dress and going to my church the next day (even if there were no donuts).

On Monday we went to Long Beach to tour the Queen Mary, the sister ship of the Queen Elizabeth that carried my mom and her family from Switzerland in 1950. We reenacted a picture with some extended family members that were around the same ages the immigrant family would have been at the time. The smallest one, my niece Abby, is standing in as my mom.

The other days we just hung out and went to the beach to get sunburned (I foolishly thought I was immune since I've been a California girl for more than 3 years now. Apparently that does not override being a redhead.) I also brought my guitar (my current boyfriend)and played my new heartbreak song for my family. I think that was the quietest any room had been the whole trip. It was a sweet sting. The guy in the beach house next door, who happened to like redheads (it's good to know some people out there do) heard me practicing on the patio one day and came out with his guitar. We strummed and philosophized about relationships til the mailman passed by and asked if he could play a song he wrote about the post office on my guitar. Everybody's got a song of some kind. We had some family talks about my dad's Parkinson's and how we can support each other better. We even re-kindled our old family song from when we were kids: "We Are Stuck Together, a happy family..." We used to sing it as my dad held up a framed bottle of Elmer's glue. I love my dad. Obviously, he's big on themes, so this year he brought us all kites we were to paint our dreams on and then we could go out and fly them all week. I love the metaphor and am still thinking of those new dreams I will fly on my orange kite. I am so thankful for my family and firmly believe that the most important relationships in the world are the ones with family and close friends you adopt as family. It was a great trip, and though there are a lot of things that are changing and will continue to change, we'll always pull together as family and I'll always love them.

Didn't Leave My Heart in San Francisco

2008-05-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

After spending Memorial Day weekend in San Francisco I can honestly say I didn't leave my heart there, but I did manage to laugh and have some fun there. It was a little cold and windy but that didn't stop one of the many homeless from peeing on the street (I got too close before I knew what he was doing.) Opera man was out singing in the cold brisk air too, at the bottome of Union Square and I have to say he was actually quite good. We took a boat to Sausalito on Saturday morning, passed Alcatraz (I probably had long lost cousins that spent some hard time there), and saw some cool Dr. Suess and Smirnov artwork at a gallery. Ate Sushi in Japantown, lotus cakes in Chinatown - interesting and densely sweet - and also bought a pair of red slippers in hopes that clicking them will take me home, wherever that is. (I'm still a gypsy inside but I think that's winding down. I need to take a break from traveling for awhile.) Had my first sourdough bread bowl of crab chowder at Pier 39 and it was sooo good. I'm not sure why the cream base was yellow but I ate it and was happy. I also bought a little cup of crabmeat to enjoy but the wind blew it on the ground for the birds to attack. Even for me, there are some places the 10-second rule doesn't apply. I have to say San Francisco is a pretty expensive city and I did end up spending more than I would have liked, especially the $10 I spent on seeing the new Indiana Jones movie in a theater that smelled like pot and peanut butter. Now I do love Indiana Jones and appreciate George Lucas as a creative force in the universe (mainly because of Star Wars) but all I can say is it's like George Lucas got a tacky gold bow at the dollar store to tie up the loose ends of a saga that was great the way it was. Far-fetched plot, bad dialogue, one-dimensional characters, no depth. I woke up the next day wondering if I only dreamed it was that bad. I was incredibly disappointed. (Okay I'm done being movie critic). The singles ward seemed pretty cool, though I think most of them were out of town too. Monday I went to the MOMA and tried again to appreciate modern art more. It's interesting but still not my favorite. It seems more experimental and unemotional. I really enjoyed O'Keefe's and Matisse's works there though. There's a cool bridge by Eliasson at the top of the museum too that reflects different colors and lights as you walk through. Later in the afternoon we went to Haight and Ashebury - the famous hippy place. Bought some guitar picks and watched the high people. We ate shrimp tacos too. The trip was an educational experience. I learned the sound of machine-gun fire on the corners is not angry city dissidents but the signal that it's okay to cross the street; that a lot of people wear North Face as my friend kept pointing out; that as different as we are from others we're really not that different; and that I think the city life is out of my system once and for all. I'm ready to leave the freedom of anonymity for the challenge of specifity. Good to be back "home" in LA for the time that remains.

Write Girl Write

2008-05-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

Saturday was my last WriteGirl workshop with my mentee Kamaria: aka Special-K (I know from the picture you might be wondering who's mentoring who). Actually I've learned a lot from these sessions and wish I'd had a program like this when I was a teenager so I could be that further along as a writer, but I guess the point is I'm on the path. The genre for May was songwriting and it's one of the best. All the girls write lyrics in these writing experiments and then they bring in these professional songwriters who take the girls lyrics and set them to music right then and there. Pure creation in the moment. It's awesome! And now that I've started playing guitar and writing a few songs of my own I was that much more inspired. WriteGirl's been a great experience. I feel like I've been mentored myself, which is good because the more I learn the more I realize the less I know (does that put me closer to Socrates now or at least Barbra Streisand - Yentl?)

I also went to the Chinese Theater in Hollywood this week to see Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. These teen boys in the 80s re-made Raiders of the Lost Ark shot-for-shot over a period of 7 or so years. It was pretty comical and amazing. They went all out too, using an airplane, lighting things on fire, and even the scene of Indy being dragged behind a car. I probably wouldn't mind spending the next 7 summers being Indy Jones, or better yet the love interest. Other than that, I haven't read all my library books yet but I'm put some good dents in them (just like my car) and I've been picking up more writing again too. This week I'm headed down to UCIrvine to be "Nicole Morris" (I'm considering bringing a wig), a medical patient for the 1st years to practice on - nothing too scandalous of course. Should be interesting. I'm going to brush up on my acting skills and pretend I'm in a lot of pain. Great times to be had. And currently the weather's been so hot here that my favorite place lately is my car, where the AC is always working and fills up the space fast. Life is good.

Books books books

2008-05-03T21:59:00.001-07:00

My roommate thought I was a nerd when she moved in and discovered the vintage Star Wars poster on my wall, but that was nothing compared to today when I came home with a canvas bag full of library books to go with the other 2 stacks of books on my floor. I am a nerd, I realize this more fully now. But it's all good, I've designated May as my month of reading. I think the LA Times Festival of Books hit it off last weekend. It was so fun up at UCLA campus and with lots of people that are more likely to have something intelligent to say - I mean come on, they actually read. So back to my month of reading. Yes, stories make me feel better, plus I'm doing some research so it's not completely self-indulgent. Most of them are children's novels and books on Norse mythology (good mix, huh?) I have a grand total of 24 books checked out on my library card and I can't promise not to get more. We'll see how many I get through. I may have been overly ambitious. This week some guys at the gym challenged me to a basketball game 2 on 2. They were much bigger than me, with bigger hands. I jammed my right ring finger til it was fat and purple but the good news is my team won. I also had an interesting encounter at school this week with a precocious 7th grader who was mad I wouldn't let him go to the bathroom (he just came from lunch and the teacher left instructions not to let anyone go - most just want to get out and wreak havoc in the halls anyway.) So I look up from my desk about 5 minutes later and this kid, we'll call him Tyquan, is standing in the back corner unzipping his pants and getting into position. Seriously! I couldn't help myself from yelling "Are you kidding me?" across the room. Needless to say, I chewed him out and then let him go the bathroom. He was not going to get away with a good story to tell his friends at my expense. By the way, I'm loving my guitar and practice is coming along pretty well. I got a new tuner and it shows 250 chords. The guy at guitar center gave me a deal (and no, I didn't compromise my standards to get it.) Other than that, I feel a little restless. Trying to map out the next stage of my life. Is that possible? I think that's one reason I love stories so much - the plan, the purpose is right there and you can see the order and design to it. In life, you have to take it on faith and trust that the story's there and the Author's watching over it (unless he got tired of the book and tossed it in a dusty corner where it's collecting cobwebs. I hate spiders.)

Guitar Heroine

2008-04-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

(At least that's what I'm aspiring to be now.) Yesterday I went to all the guitar centers I knew - which truthfully weren't that many. I sat in the practice room and played as many as I could to get a good feel for sound, shape, the smell of the wood...ah it was invigorating. I had to find one that fit. It's like picking your wand (I've been reading the Harry Potter books again.) You just have to find one that feels right and fits right and you know it when you play it. I was ecstatic as I carried it out of the store in it's hard black case along Santa Monica Blvd. I think my Bohemian tendencies have finally come full circle. So now I just have to get a book, learn more chords, and practice. I've already written two songs that I keep practicing, which I've discovered has been just as liberating for me as running. Yesterday was really a happy day. I've also been working on a script about Gordon B. Hinckley and have immensely enjoyed the research and insights I'm gaining from it. It's been very uplifting and I'm grateful for that. I've been playing a little frisbee with the kids in the hood too. I'm glad there's kids around here. And a final note, I have to give three cheers for freelance work. On Friday I got up early and did some writing, then I felt like going to the gym to clear my head and ended up playing basketball with a Hispanic guy named Michael who said I was like static electricity out there. I did beat him by the way. I'll admit that it probably helped that he wasn't much taller than me. And when I was done, it was such a beautiful day that I couldn't resist driving to the ocean and having a moment on the rocks by the tide. Just me and my ipod. My life is still a bit on shuffle at the moment (don't ask me what my definite plans are come June) and as disconcerting as that is at times I have to say that it's also made me live life a little more in the moment: to be more present in the present. It has made the concept of life a little richer. Yeah life is good. Who know what the tide will bring in tomorrow.

Spring Break

2008-03-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know many other people who go to a cold place for springbreak but I did (I guess I've always liked nonconformity, which is why I came to Utah - hehehe.) Last week was actually springbreak from school and since my brother comes home from his mission in Norway this Thursday I thought I'd make springbreak 2 weeks (that's the joy of freelance work. I get to be gone til the end of March.) There was snow when I first got here but the weather's better now. I even got to wear sandals yesterday. It's actually been really good for me to be home, get some free and loving therapy and re-examine the reasons I need it in the first place. I saw the first premiere of the new Emma Smith movie and personally found it a deeply moving and insightful film. She was an amazing woman. I also went snow-shoeing for the first time, have been practicing my latent basketball skills with my youngest brother (who not surprisingly is quite a bit taller than me now), and I've eaten chocolate everyday. I've also laughed more than I have in a while. Ben and I have been listening to Brandi Carlile again, trading itunes music, and practicing guitar. I'm so excited to get my own when I get back to LA. We also updated our resumes so we can get "real" jobs (as my father would say), and have started working on our next film gig. Life is a rare and complicated gift but a gift nonetheless and I'm grateful for all it is teaching me although sometimes I am an unruly and impatient student but there is hope. I am also one who is open to change.

Shuffle

2008-03-09T10:18:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about life lately in terms of an ipod (since I've been listening to it so much lately on my sunny afternoon walks). I think sometimes your life is just on shuffle and that's okay. Sure it's good to have a playlist - a plan of what you want and where you're going with it (I come from a hyper-planning, stability-driven family) but that's not always how life works. Sometimes you just don't know what it is you want until it comes up on its own and then you say "aha" that's what I wanted and I didn't even know it. Hence the value of shuffle, even in life. Sometimes you've just got to do the shuffle. So that's my wisdom this week.
So now that I'm 29 it's not as bad as I thought (I can't let it be.) I'm still shorter than all the kids at school am sometimes mistaken for a student, especially when I bring a backpack with me, so at least I don't look that old. In the Los Angeles school district this last week one class thought I was an alien because of my freaky double-jointed arm, two kids thought I was Jodie Foster in the movie Sommersby, and another kid said his dream was to be a right bench warmer in the NBA (hmm...are kids getting more realistic or just forgetting to dream?) I also lost my temper on Friday after two long days of teaching six classes of disrespectful (and that's actually a euphemism)kids at school who wouldn't listen to a thing I said. Two kids kept laughing as I yelled cause they'd never seen me angry. That made me even angrier and then they said they wanted the old Ms. Cook back. Needless to say it was a tough day. By the end of the period one of the kids asked if I was going to cry. Yeah, but on my way home.
To end on a positive note, one of the highlights of my week was finally seeing the musical "Wicked" which I loved. I'm not a ridiculously over-the-top musical fan but this one had a great story to go along with the stimulating visual sets, music, and costumes that characterize musicals. This story had a lot of heart and depth of meaning and to me that makes all the difference. I liked it so much I even put the some of the songs on my ipod. Hmm...

Pandora's Box

2008-02-25T09:22:00.000-08:00

A Pandora's Box of emotion has ripped open my soul and I'm just trying my best to hold on to hope. Dramatic, but there it is. I decided this blog is about my life and if you're going to read it, well, there's the truth. All the good, the bad, and the plateaus in between. An almost 5 month relationship I was involved in just ended and it's thrown me for a loop. I still don't understand why and for now I'm just trying to get through each day but I guess I can relate more to John Mayer now -I too am dreaming with a broken heart.
And I officially hate February as well as January now. These two months aren't good for me. Some girl at church tried to console me by saying at least it's leap year. How is that comforting? What the month of misery is prolonged an extra day? So that's where I'm at right now. I also turn 29 in a week and a half and am trying not to be too depressed about that. I'm at my crossroads trying to decide what to do with the next part of my life. It's wide open. That's it for now. All I can say is life is incredibly unchartable. You really never know where it's going to take you or what's going to happen even when you feel pretty sure about it. I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me. I guess that's an opportunity for more humility and reliance on the only thing you can really hold onto in this world - the gospel.

Poor Man's Therapy

2008-01-31T18:35:00.000-08:00

Today I wanted to physically hurt some of the students in my 5th period class and I'm not ashamed to say it. I muttered under my breath as the bell rang that they could all go to hell. Yeah, that's right - I did. For those who don't believe I have a temper, I do, (notice the red eyes in the picture - that's not a camera trick)though it's definitely more under control than it was when I was a kid. I had to come home and run for the second time today and blow up the punching bag Marcella gave me for Christmas. She knew I'd been wanting one since I moved here. It took some energy inflating it but once it was ready it did the trick. Just what I needed Now I'm squeezing out the final remainders of my anger by venting on my blog. I think I've successfully sublimated my anger. And also I've made it through January so I'm going to go celebrate with a glass of over-priced sparkling pomegranate juice.

RE-ENTRY

2008-01-19T16:46:00.000-08:00

I'm more than half-way through January, and thankfully I'm still alive and able to click my heels from time to time. That is such a good sign, especially since January is typically the worst month of the year for me (December is such a high that January balances it out by taking the low). I'm not going to lie, the first week back in LA was hellish. I came home to pouring rain and no power, overwhelming piles of catch-up work, and a flat tire. I had really puffy red eyes a couple of times (hey, I had to get rid of all the excess water I'd built up in Arctic Utah from not running. I'm such a wimp when it comes to cold weather now.) Besides crying, I also tried to alleviate my stress and sorrows by writing my first song on the guitar. I'm almost done polishing it so I can perform it on Hollywood Blvd and make some real money like the rest of 'em. Not a bad idea, eh?
Things have gotten better though, which may hurt my songwriting career but has helped me want to get up in the morning. I'm getting more calls to substitute teach(January is typically the slowest month), I can check out library books again, I started a new journal and this past week I found out I'm a semi-finalist in the KAIROS screenwriting contest. Here's the link if you could possibly be as excited as I was to see my name in print among the other semi-finalists: www.kairosprize.com. They have a gala next month and the three winners will win a $50,000 prize. Send me some good juju or maybe send it to the judges. Actually, it's just nice getting a little validation for all the writing I do alone in my little ghetto room covered with pictures of Joan of Arc, Star Wars, and Castle Combe England. I'm also just enjoying being alive and experiencing great people and relationships. Life is an adventure!

The Most Magical Time of the Year

2007-12-27T10:32:00.000-08:00

Indeed it has been a magical time of year for me, starting with Advent Sunday. Every year on the first Sunday in December we invite friends and neighbors to come ring in Christmas with us European style. It's a more quiet and pretty uplifting evening. We got around 25 people again this year (this is our 3rd one). We always call it our Christmas miracle that that many people come to our ghetto and brave parking. It's the only time of year that happens. This year I learned to play a song on the guitar, Infant Holy Infant Lowly, and sang too. I also made mint brownies that didn't get burned so it just keeps getting better. The little neighbor kids, Ada and Julio, came over and sang Feliz Navidad, though their heads were bowed most of the time. I guess single adults are pretty scary. It was good fun, and we kept our Silent Night tradition alive at the end of evening. This year, in addition to Spanish, German, French and of course English and Bulgarian, we had Thai, Korean, and Tagalog. It was fabulous.

I also had the great pleasure of visiting Washington D.C. this month with a thirsty little ginger-pants wearing kitten (if you really want to know about that you'll have to ask me, otherwise just chalk it up to word salad.) It was dang cold but one of the funnest trips I've had in a long time. So much space, brick, and stone. I want to live in a brick house. We went to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum and saw the first plane the Wright Brothers used for their first four flights on Dec.17, 1903 and guess what day we happened to be there? You got it! Dec. 17. Coincidence? I don't think so. At any rate, my abs were well exercised from laughing so much, my taste-buds sharpened from the large quantities of good food, and the hibernating spaces in my brain revitalized with my love for America and what a great country this is. There were still leaves on the ground too. I felt intoxicated by the memory of autumn. I returned from D.C. on the 18th, only to leave for Salt Lake City on the 19th. Also cold here and snowy. It's good to remember what snow looks like but I won't mind leaving it in January. I've enjoyed seeing my family and my new nephew Vincent who could be destined to become an artist or part of the maffia who would then have the nickname Vinny. Either way, we'll love him and probably get good Christmas presents too. We found out my brother Stephen is coming home from his mission in Norway on March 27 and then as our Christmas gift the family's taking a big trip somewhere so we can all be together. Yea. Experiences are greater than anything material anyway.
I have to say it's been an enriching year and one that has seen a number of goals and dreams met. I can't wait to see what the new year will bring. Merry Chrismtas and Happy New Year everybody! Life is Beautiful! And don't go see the movie I Am Legend. It sucked(feel free to contact me for a more detailed criticism).

Ghetto Gratitude Moment

2007-11-24T14:42:00.000-08:00

I just want to take a moment to express gratitude for the place in which I live: For the one washing machine on the premises and the lady downstairs who has to wash each of her 6 loads of laundry 3 times each day before the clothes are actually clean. I'm also thankful for OCDs. For the minutes I use on my cellphone calling our landlord to fix the pipes in our apartment that have been leaking for months. For the Fix-It guys he finally sends that do not speak a word of English. For the sliding glass door that doesn't quite close and the cockroaches we had to exterminate ourselves. For the walls that keep us frozen in the winter and help us lose weight in the summer. For the newly installed gated fortress doors surrounding our building that sometimes I can't even get into. For the lack of parking that gives me a 20-minute morning and evening walk a few times a week. For the beautiful sounds of tamale carts, ice cream trucks, and accordion music every weekday after 3:00 and on weekends as the sun comes up. For all the people west of Roberston Blvd that live in large, tree-lined, spacious houses and block the rest of us out with 30-foot hedges. Sucks to be you! For all the things that make this ghetto glorious, I am grateful.

Hollywood Walk of Shame

2007-11-18T21:31:00.000-08:00

Two redheads in the ghetto. We took it by storm - or at least we caught a lot of people's attention. I think two redheads walking down the street here is something of a phenomenon. At any rate, we had fun and lived to tell about it. We started Saturday off running on Venice Beach and then having breakfast at Jack and Jill's in Beverly Hills. I'm not sure which Ben found more entertaining - the crazy, hate-filled lady on the beach that yelled "barf ass" at one of us (we're still deliberating as to which of us she was yelling at) or the 50-year-old Botoxed blond in her black Rolls Royce on Rodeo Drive. The diversity in this city's astounding. Of course we had to stop at Sprinkles for some of their lovely over-priced cupcakes. Carrying around the box was part of the experience. It helped us feel truly important as we made our way slowly through traffic. Ben had been learning that everything in California, even the grocery store, is 20 minutes away (unless you're going to Hollywood. Then in takes an hour. He wanted to see the Kodak Theater, but what he got was an entertaining cultural experience for only $1. Scruffy drunk men with dogs and signs that read, "Retired super-model - Please help"; kid street performers extorted by their own family members; out-of-work (and might I add unoriginal) actors dressed up as Superman, Wonder Woman, King Kong, Snoopy, Dorothy (checking her cell phone messages) Sponge Bob with tube socks and his home-made magic marker sponge, Shrek, and our personal favorite - Gollum. Tall and Lanky with part of his black fro coming out the back. He was also wearing a fanny pak for all the money he's making off pictures. Ben made me get a picture taken with Shrek without realizing it costs. He was bewildered when the man in his mother's stretch pants pretending to be Shrek unfolded a crumpled bill and said, "You got a little something for Shreky poo?" Ben gave him the dollar. What they say about LA is true - everybody here's trying to make a buck. This was expertly demonstrated by the blue Ford Van with the top cut off displaying a home-made sign that said Hollywood Tours. There were actually two passengers, although we think they were bought off to make it look like they had business. We had a good laugh as we passed the groups of people gathered around the red carpet for the premiere of Enchanted. I guess they felt waiting 4 hours for a glimpse of important people in expenseive shoes was well worth their time. Hmm. I guess there are a lot of out-of-work people in this town. We finished off the night with In-N-Out burgers, animal-style. After the expensive cupcakes, that's about all we could afford. Thank you Los Angeles for the entertaining weekend, and thank you Ben for making the experience complete and helping me see the city through the out-of-towners' eyes. I love LA.

Turning Tables

2007-11-12T18:06:00.001-08:00

November's off to a great start! Last week I had the pleasure of subbing at a school in Compton where the class consisted of all African American males (need I even mention they were twice my size. Who isn't?) I held my own ok until one of them called me a bitch and then I lost it and now I'm in prison. Yes, there is email in prison. Actually, the vein in my forehead (remarkably) stayed in place and I had a Phil McGraw-like talk with the young man instead. I think he learned his lesson. Actually, I really don't but I have hope.
I was also recently called as the new activities co-chair in my ward. The "congratulations" are flooding in as if I won an election or something and believe me I would not run for this, but I will try my best.
Today, Marcella and I set out to find a table (we're tired of getting in touch with other cultures by sitting on the floor). So, because we live in the ghetto, we thought we'd stick with that theme and go to the Wal-Mart on Crenshaw, where incidentally the LA riots took place. We found some card tables and chairs that will do the job, atleast until our lease is up in February. Three customers asked us if we worked there and one asked if I was Marcella's mother. I checked and she didn't appear to have bloodshot eyes or smell like pot (I know the smell very well from my neighbors)and she didn't have a service dog so she could see. I don't know, are people just insane? We're not even of the same ethnicity, although Marcella mentioned that people on our street think we're sisters and, strangely enough, in this celebrity look-alike website my brother sent me I was matched with Eva Peron and various other South American and Spanish ladies. Maybe I don't know myself as well as I thought. Or maybe living in my neighborhood is rubbing off on me, which is good. The adventures never end. And can I just say that I'm really glad the holidays are upon us. This is the best time of year!

Winds of Change

2007-10-25T11:39:00.000-07:00

The transition from European trains to soul trains has taken awhile but I'm finally back to making tracks again on the written page as I process where I've been and where my path will lead in the future (wow, that sounded pretty deep). Sorry it's taken so long. I'll get back to blogging more consistently.
So, October is my favorite month not only because of autumn, pumpkin flavors, and the anticipation of the holidays, but it's also proven to be a big month of change for me. I've felt those winds of change again this year and I'm not exactly sure what that entails yet but I've already sat on a couch made completely of grass, disinfected my room (most especially my bed), and joined a rocktoberfest band. I played the djembe. It was magically fun.
I'm also back to substitute teaching and only felt the urge to strangle some kids once this month (don't be alarmed - that's actually pretty amazing.) What I really want to know by the end of next month is who my true friends are so if I do strangle some kids I know who will visit me in jail. (This could be pretty incriminating so I better clarify that I am not being serious.) Much to my father's delight, I also qualify for really good health insurance now, so maybe my "not real job" isn't so bad after all. For those who keep wondering, I'm not sure how much longer I'll continue substituting. I'm definitely not planning on making a career of it. I plan to do it until I can finish up the last revision of my children's novel (hopefully by spring) and then we'll take it from there. I've also mentioned I feel pretty done with LA and the city and don't anticipate living here that much longer. But who knows? The winds of change could blow anywhere. I have to say life is surprisingly good right now and I'm enjoying the freedom of living it.

Things I Miss the Most

2007-09-23T12:56:00.001-07:00

- Afternoon gelattos
- Church bells
- Walking everywhere
- People Eating on sidewalks
- Water you can drink from the tap
- Cobblestone Streets
- Exit signs
- Unprocessed foods
- Piazzas (not to be confused with pizzas, though I'll miss those too)
- Slower pace and emphasis on stopping to enjoy life
- Rich appreciation for art
- Lonely Italian men (not really)
- Siestas
- Having fewer decisions to make (I only had 4 shirts and 2 pair of pants)
- Trains
- Superior cheese and chocolate (and pretty much anything edible)
- A river running through every major city
- Bunk beds
- Fresh (and clean) air
- Making wishes in fountains
- Glacier milk
- Multi-colored shudders
(But I guess I missed family and friends more cause I came back.)

Farewell to Europe

2007-09-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

Well, tonight is my last night and tomorrow morning I head for the airport and its back to the States (no I have not abandoned all responsibility and decided to stay), but I come home feeling enriched and grateful for the experiences I have had and the things I have learned. I have discovered many new things like conditioner is overrated, you can make trains on time even without a watch, afternoon gelatto is an important part of everyday, and you can find a lot with a map, and even though I have felt lonely at various times I have felt well-protected and guided and I think learned some things I really needed to know. After a month I think it is time and I a ready to come home and take these new memories with me into the future. Thanks for your love and support faithful friends, family, and readers out there and if something happens on the way home and I dont make it back, bury me with my locket and know I died a soul of many satisfied dreams.

Siena, Venice, and Rome

2007-09-12T11:11:00.000-07:00

Sunday, in the sunburnt buildings of Siena (which I match pretty well now) I was tracked by an Albanian guy as I ate my sandwich in one of Europe's best piazzas (that's a square for you hicks out there.) He watched me eat for at least 20 minutes. I finallly asked him at one of the souvenir stands how much longer he was going to follow me. He just smiled (I don't think he knew English that well) and I relented to letting him show me a couple of sights before running away from him. I also learned that the patron saint of Siena and as of 1999 all of Europe is St. Catherine. Apparently she had visions and a holy quest too, kind of like Joan of Arc, which coincidentally she had a twin sister named Joan. Later that night, as I was saying goodbye to Florence, I was targeted again. It's getting ridiculous - I can't sit on the steps of anywhere without some guy asking me out for a cappucino and I say that as unarrogantly as possible. I probably wouldn't mind if I actually found the guys attractive. After I turn them down I also have to make sure they don't come back or follow me. I've been forced to invent a boyfriend back home. His name is Buck Morley, a professional wrestler and part-time CIA agent on assignment which is why he's not here. He's extremely jealous. I left Florence Monday morning (I loved that city) and headed to Venice for a day, which I also ended up liking a lot. I didn't think it was that dirty or smelled bad but then again maybe I'm dirty and smell bad. I heard opera music (in my head) all the way down the Grand Canal and enjoyed the architecture and colors. As I sat down at the end of the day to eat a pizza by the waterfront I heard distant voices calling my name (I thought I was going crazy too) and turned around to see my hometeacher and two other LA Firsters standing there (Ryan, Jim and Jeff). I was so happy to see them I hugged them all. We hung out the rest of the night eating gelatto and trying to get pictures of the battle of the orchestras (every night in St. Mark's square these classical orchestras duel it out with music.) It was cool. We got lost trying to find my orphanage-like island (Venice is like a maze) and hung out the next day til we got on separate trains in the afternoon. We're going to meet up again on Friday to do the Vatican and Sistine Chapel. I was in awe at seeing the Colosseum today and Pantheon and of course I made a wish with the last American coin I brougt in the Trevi Fountain. I can tell my trip is nearing the end. I'm losing momentum and can't wait to feel really clean again. My Rome hostile smells like moth balls and Bulgarian apartments and the matress feels like a bag of knots. Tell dad not to worry, before arriving in Rome I memorized all the Italian phrases for "Help," "Thief," and "Stop that man." I miss you all and can't wait to see you.

Ah Florence!

2007-09-08T11:31:00.000-07:00

I loved Florence the minute I sat on the steps of the Duomo and listened to a man and his son playing Frank Sinatra's My Way on the accordion as the sun set behind the colorful architecture. It's amazing the birthplace of the Renaissance was here. Before arriving here Thursday, I stopped in Pisa since my train was passing through. I met a girl, also named Caterina, who invited me to her house for a real Italian family meal, complete with grandpa who runs the oldest shop in Pisa - a gun store. Over the last 2 days I've enjoyed multiple servings of gelatto and enlightening moments in museums. I have to say the David was amazing and not just cause he's nude. I didn't appreciate the work until I saw it's stunning graceful form in person, and apparently the sculpture was the poster boy of Florence and the Renaissance, embodying the strength and confidence of man to excel and overcome. I went to Michelangelo and Galileo's tombs in San Croce Church - two men I greatly admire and want to learn more about. Tomorrow I go to Siena for the day. The smell of too much leather has driven me to the country-side for some fresh air. A smooth-talking Sicilian named Amadeo tried to sell me a leather jacket my first night in Florence(I must admit, I did look pretty stylish) and then asked me out for a drink. He got off work too late though and I had to get back to my room full of snoring spaniards. One more week until America.

Pure Italian Bliss

2007-09-06T01:07:00.000-07:00

The Cinque Terre (5 cities strung along the cliffs of the Italian Riviera) is quite possibly one of the most enchanting places I have ever been. I met Mama Rosa when I got off the train in Riomaggiore on Tuesday and she had an extra bed for me in a cliff room overlooking the Meditteranean. The room came with an old chandelier with half the lights burned out, a broken grandfather clock, and a jewelry-making roommate from Chile (interestingly enough mama Rosa came in this morning and shut the place down due to, from what I could gather, sickness or illegal activity. Yesterday I got up early and hiked through all the towns. I had to keep stopping to ask myself if I was really here. Unbelievably beautiful. Bellisimo! I had seafood ravioli and my last town and a Baccio (a kind of chocolate) gelatto. The restaurant owners have kept me company, trying to teach me Italian. One called me a bronzetta referring to my (one day) cancerous arms and told me to be glad I wasn't married like the table of 3 couples next to me who were, amazingly enough, from Utah as well. I sat on the beach until some guy asked where my ticket was so I got up and left. Being overly ambitious I thought I would hike most of the way back to get another view of the forests, vineyards, lemon trees, and sea but it ended up being longer and harder than I remembered and I did get a little lost as the sun was setting. Made it back safely, though, and sat outside Mama Rosa's house with a guy named Giulherme from Brazil and looked at the beautiful, countless stars. The weather's been great, the bread not so much so, and I've been cursing myself for not bringing a swimsuit. I miss friends, family, and home but am making memories to take back with me. Today I am headed to Florence, where the hostel hopefully has sheets cause Mama Rosa took mine.

Nice not so nice

2007-09-03T11:34:00.000-07:00

Well just wanted to let you know I left Paris this morning after a creepy French guy tried to kiss me and arrived safely in Nice. I even found a bed to sleep in for the night and I can't wait to go to bed. All I can say is this is an interesting place. I already saw one guy peeing on a tree and ended up at a topless beach, I however kept my top on (after much deliberation). I'm excited to go to Italy tomorrow and hike the Cinque Terre - 5 small towns cut into the cliffs of the Italian Riveria. I'm looking forward to the hiking and the seafood. I think I'll go back to my room now where apparently a German couple is waiting (it's a shared room). What can I say, that's Europe on a budget.

Walk Like A French Woman

2007-09-01T13:29:00.000-07:00

After almost a week in Paris I think I finally have the French strut and pouty lips down, but I fail on the style part (there's only so much I can do with a backpack of clothes). I must admit French women have an arrogant elegance about them. I went to Versailles on Thursday. My favorite part was the beautiful grounds - so big I took a nap in a little grove of trees where none of the tourists found me. Friday I went to Rouen and connected with my warrior sister Joan of Arc, then that night I walked along the bridges and saw the Eiffel Tower all lit up. Early Saturday morning I left my hostel to find a lady and two gentlemen dressed in 19th century clothing. I thought my dream to travel back in time had come true until I saw the film camera down the cobblestone walk. I took a train to the Loire Valley where all the French castles are and I ate my lunch in front of Chambord castle under a tree. It was like a dream. Besides the shower that shuts off after 30 seconds and a hostelmate that likes to chew her food as loud as possible after we're all in bed, the hostel's not so bad. It's interesting waking up in the morning and not knowing what time it is or when to get up. I think the French church bells are lazy. They don't always ring when they're supposed to. Not like the Swiss bells. Well headed to Nice on Monday and Tuesday hiking in the Cinque Terre. I'm looking forward to my 3rd and final country.

La Vien Rose

2007-08-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

It's my third day in Paris. On my first day here I'd already been mildly harassed by a lonely Sri Lankan and 5 min. later a lonely Greek. Thank goodness I met an American from San Francisco 5 min. later and had someone to hang out with the rest of the day. I'm on a time limit here so I'll be quick. Notre Dame was great, got a date with Quasimodo. Last night I went to the top of the Eiffel Tower and clicked my heels; went to Victor Hugo's house, the Louvre, D'Orsay. Quite a city, this Paris. I've never walked so much in my life but it's good. Balances out all the bread and chocolate. Anyway I'm alive and well, and I admit a little lonely. My journal's keeping me company. Tomorrow Versailles.

Yesterday Matterhorn, Tomorrow Paris

2007-08-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

(I was excited just to write that.) I haven`t fallen in love with any exotic European men yet, but I have fallen in love with Switzerland. Were it not for the language barrier I think I would move here. I am already planning the hikes and mountains I want to explore when I come back one day. We went to Appenzell country on Thursday (in the eastern part) and went hiking. Friday I went to the Swiss temple, which was exceptionally meaningful to me. It made me feel close to my grandparents and I felt so happy to be there. Saturday we got up early and went to the Matterhorn where we finally had a perfectly clear day. I could see everything, though I didn`t understand much. I wish I knew German. Felix` friend Susan came with us, then took us out to dinner afterward at a restaurant called Rossli (the little horse). Her sister gave me 2 kinds of honey (I prefer the forest honey to the flower honey) cause she and her husband make it on their farm. How cool is that? I decided I missed my calling in life and should have owned my own little cheese shop or been a honey maker. I mean, I want to make something people just sit down and enjoy at their breakfast table everyday. Maybe in the next life. So tomorrow I leave for Paris and will be completely on my own. I`m a little nervous but I have my Swiss army knife and tube of mustard (in case I get hungry. They have really good mustard here.) I will miss this grand little country - it`s full of surprises. But I have resolved to come back and have also resolved to get a bike and grow my own basil when I return. Au revoir.

Swiss Miss Update

2007-08-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

It is quite something to stand on a mountain hillside overlooking valleys of farms and chapels and only hear the sound of cowbells. On Sunday after church (a small branch) we took a 3.5 hour walk in the Emmantal - a beautiful valley where a lot of the cheese comes from. We stopped at a farmer`s house for a drink (don`t worry, not wine) and he was so amazed someone from LA had come to his farm. Monday I went to the Rhine and had bratwurst in Basel, where I stood at the place where 3 countries meet: France, Germany, and Switzerland. Tuesday, we went to an old Swiss Castle on Lake Geneva (actually called Lake Leman) and also to a salt mine. Very interesting and I bought some salt to take home. Today we went to the Swiss Oberland where all the big mountains are. We saw the Jungrau and took a skyride to another mountain. The town of Grindelwald below us. The air is so refreshing and the landscape so beautiful. I`ve also learned how much the Swiss seem to dislike Bush for invading other countries. Americans are a bit unpopular right now but they are still nice to me. Most days we don`t get home til late and I`m feeling a little overwhelmed with cheese but I guess I balance it out with chocolate. It`s great having a guide to really show me my 2nd homeland. I hope I will be alright in France and Italy when I am without one.

To Market, Spiez, and Interlaken

2007-08-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

There`s just something about bringing your basket to market and buying fresh foods. In front of the Parliament buildling in Bern, they had everything from orange and green tomatoes to skinned rabbits hanging from the stands. A Swiss lady even gave me a rust-colored rose to place in my hair. We took the train to Spiez after and walked along Lake Thun and then took a boat to Interlaken. The water is so clear and greenish colored. Felix said they call it glacier milk. The scenery- forest, green hills, and mountains- are so beautiful, it`s hard to believe it`s real sometimes. On our way back to the train, we looked for four-leaf clovers in a nearby field. I guess Felix is more of a leprechaun than me, he found two and I found one (after he pointed it out to me). I`m trying to remember how to say hello (gruesech)in their language and not default to Bulgarian as I have been doing. I`m having a wonderful time and enjoying the pace of life here. Tomorrow I`ll go the small branch in Bern where an old couple that new grandma attend so that should be interesting. The bells are ringing again and my belly is full of bread. Time to go to bed.

Swell in Switzerland

2007-08-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

I`ve made it safely to Switzerland and am happy to sit down after the longest day of my life (what with the time difference). I`m sipping freshly made sparkling apple juice while Felix, my Swiss tour guide for 10 days, is cooking fish, shrimp, rattatuille, and krautstihl. He already made a plum pie today, just like Grandma Morgenegg`s. So, first observations: the airport was extremely quiet, a lot of people here smoke, Berne`s shutters are brightly colored and enliven the whole city, computer keyboards are harder to use, and bells make any city feel magical. Even though I`m quite fatigued, we managed to climb the church bell tower today, see the bear pit (very cool), walk through the rose garden, try five kinds of cheese, and run into the missionaries and found out where church was on Sunday. And hopefully we`ve also solved the problem of my debit card not working. So, I`m glad to be here and glad to finally come to the home of my mother, aunts, uncle and grandparents. All is well.

Parting Words from LA

2007-08-13T21:04:00.000-07:00

I've stopped over in LA for a couple of days before heading to my big adventure in Europe and already I've been hissed at, witness to a woman having 10 conversations with herself at the library, and come home to find my sublet married and having sex in my bed. My room is their honeymoon suite. I'm trying not to think about it and thank goodness my blankie (yes I still have one) was not in the room. Family members have convinced me not to ever put a black light in there. I'm not sure I want to come home. Maybe I'll finally find where I belong over there. I have to say, though, that I'm excited for this trip. It's something I've been wanting to do for quite some time and for me it's not so much a vacation as it is a journey, an investment, an experience of discovery and a re-filling of my bucket with new ideas and insight. I know, I sound like a beatnik but I'm trying to follow my drumming heart as best as I can. For those individuals intent on raining on my parade by asking, "Are you crazy?" and "How can you go to a foreign country by yourself?" I'd just like to say most crimes in Europe are non-violent and, many forums for solo women travelers talk about the freedom that can come from solitude. My inner warrior goes without fear (or atleast tries to suppress it) and as Ronald Reagan said, "In an atmosphere of liberty, artists and patrons are free to think the unthinkable and create the audacious; they are free to make both horrendous mistakes and glorious celebrations." So, I'm following the advice of Jo March's mother and I am going to embrace my liberty.

The Writer's Life

2007-07-17T11:00:00.000-07:00

The transformation is complete. I have adopted vices to comfort my tortured soul as I excavate its depths to invoke the raw emotions of life onto the page (actually it's diet root beer and a bubble gum cigarette, which, for any of you that have seen Stranger Than Fiction, I do happen to save and wrap in a tissue for later use).
The documentary is really coming together. It's incredible to work on the full spectrum of a film, from concept to writing to creation to production. We've interviewed a lot of interesting people and seen the effects animal-assisted therapy has on the health and quality of life of countless people. I definitely want a dog now. A big one. And since animals love people unconditionally I think I'll be set. Would we could all exemplify animals in that respect. The best part of this unique summer project is listening to Brandi Carlile as we drive to our shooting locations and appointments, and then taking a two-hour break in the middle of the day (we know how to embrace our European heritage) to try new kinds of cheeses (the grocery store just put in a new deli) or watch old episodes of Friends. I'm sorry to say since I have none of my own I've been watching ones on tv. Anyway, life is good and there are more projects in the works. Who knows what grand adventures life may hold? I just know that in about a month I'll be homeless and headed to Europe with a backpack and notebook, and whether or not I come back awaits to be known...
All right, I'm trying to sound like a romantic. I'll be back. I don't have a visa to work there, but if I did...

The Land of Ice Cream and Mini-Vans

2007-07-02T15:55:00.000-07:00

I definitely know I'm back in Utah. There are 10 cartons of ice cream in my freezer, thanks to a party hosted by my single brothers. It's really dangerous on days when I'm down cause I find myself basking in spoonfuls of each flavor. I've also been noticing the "I love my missionary in ---" bumper stickers on the backs of mini-vans, which are pretty much only found in this state, although I've never been to Arizona. I was at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building on Friday night and observed that of the 10 wedding parties holding receptions, about half of all the bridesmaids were pregnant. They were married of course (I think). They just looked so young. God love 'em.
I must say it's good to see mountains again, though (and not the ones on the plastic-surgeried women of Beverly Hills) and all I can say is I love central-air. I can't even tell it's summer outside. It's great to be around my family, and it's great to get up in the morning, do a little yoga (I've had to take a break from running) and walk down the hall to work with my brother on a project where we are our own bosses. We are both redheads and therefore like to be the boss. We'll see if we can survive each other and if I can survive Utah. One more month til the beach again.

What I'll Miss Most about Substitute Teaching

2007-06-26T18:55:00.000-07:00

June, the month of summer solstice (the longest day of the year) also marks the end of the longest year of my life as a substitute teacher in Los Angeles. The days were long, my nerves short, but I made it through. Yea! Summer break! I've compiled a list of the things I'll miss most:
- kids erasing half of the second "o" in my name so it reads Ms. Cock
- having to get a key to use the restroom
- bells
- Hot Cheetohs wrappers all over the floor
- rolls where all the names end in "awn" - DeShawn, Keishawn, Tyquawn, etc...
- students trying to guess my age
I was listening to NPR my last morning of school and learned that there are 80,000 lawn mowing accidents every year. One girl had sadly lost her arm.
I randomly decided to share this interesting fact with my highschool students (I was in a talkative mood) who in turn looked at me wondering why I had bothered to share this "useless" information. In an attempt to save face I fumbled for applicability and said, "So if you don't finish highschool you'll probably end up mowing lawns and losing your limbs. Therefore, graduate."
I'm glad I could end the year on an inspiring note.
Goodbye til next year!

A Flower Has Fallen From the Garden of My Heart...

2007-06-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

Indeed it has! This is one of the central metaphors for love repeated in the opera Luisa Fernanda and I declare it again acknowledging that I have fallen in love with opera. Or maybe it's just Placido Domingo. Along with his voice, the boots and belt did it for me. There was something so manly and conquistador-like about them. He's also got a pretty good head of hair and man can the man charm women. At one point he sang in his powerful, flowing tone that Luisa was the queen of his land and his home and that the shepherd boys would play the bagpipes for her. Does it get any better than that? Where do I sign up?
Apparently the woman in front of me thought the same thing as she kept interrupting the dreamy, romantic haze that had settled over the balcony area with her incessant clapping - in all the wrong places too. She'd raise her hands high above her head and shout "bravo" in her twangy, guttural hollers. The guy sitting across the next row from her looked like he could have been her date. He had on this white-frayed jacket with elbow patches (cowboy boots stenciled across them) and a maroon shirt unbuttoned enough for his thick chest hair to creep over the side. Nice. Come on people! We're at the opera. Even a beatnik like me knows better. I wore heels.
Despite the misfits on Row D, the illusion of surreal love persisted from stage to audience and all I can say is opera's pretty cool. Even though it's extremely romanticized and melodramatic to a fault, it seems to be okay with everyone. I don't know if it's because they're singing in a different language or because they're singing as if their life depended on it (and it usually tragically does) but it just works. We buy it, we believe it, we love it!
Atleast I do.

The Star Wars Convention Convent

2007-05-29T16:23:00.000-07:00

The freaks were out in full force at the LA Convention Center on Memorial Day and I was one of them, though quickly realizing I wasn't properly attired for the Holy Star Wars Empire. I got there about 9:00am to fully uniformed storm troopers, old Obi Wan Kenobis holding plastic baby dolls, cardboard droids, and a couple of guys dressed as Indiana Jones (wrong movie fellas!)
Once inside I checked out the exhibit hall where they sold everything from custom-made blaster belts to Yoda slippers and gold-handled light sabers. People actually brought empty luggage to fill with their "credit card debt is my friend" purchases and I overheard a Jedi wannabe announce in his walkie-talkie, "TK421 I just saw Jon Heder a.k.a. Napoleon Dynamite walk by."
On a nearby stage actor Charles Ross single-handedly performed the original Star Wars trilogy in 30 minutes, complete with sound effects, soundtrack, and extra commentary, including what Luke Skywalker really said when he pulled off Darth Vader's mask - "Hey, I thought you were a black guy."
After lunch I walked through the R2-D2 Builders' Room where a club of mostly 40-year-old men apparently unable to find anything better to do with $5,000 had constructed their own models of the little droid (that was the average cost to make one. The most expensive was $12,000.) I asked a systems analyst guy from Texas how long it took him to make his. He excitedly reported as he pushed in his glasses, "one year and 10 months." Believe it or not, this club has a membership of 58,00 members in 30 countries.
In another room, as Jabba and his girlfriend made out behind us, a woman held a bible of swatches trying to find the exact color of Queen Amidala's cloak so she could duplicate one for herself, pausing every few minutes to have her picture taken. She was matching that swatch for at least 4 hours. In fact anyone in costume was all too elated to pose for a picture basking in the fame and celebrity they achieved by being- oh let's call it what it is- an obsessed fanatic. I guess people that are willing to go to that length for attention deserve it.
The best picture and laugh of the day came as I walked by the impending Wookie Trivia event. Walking toward me was little miss muffin-top herself, sporting the legendary costume of Return of Jedi beloved by men everywhere - Princess Leia's bronze bikini. This girl's belly (along with other parts of her body) was dancing without even trying. As she passed, all heads turned to see if she'd actually gone through with the whole charade and dispensed with wearing underwear. Yep. She had. The dark maroon loin cloth barely draped across her thighs and revealed there was nothing underneath. I couldn't stop laughing as I followed her down the hall and took a picture with my cellphone. Spasm of horrified laughter.
The whole day was an eye-opening experience, witnessing the congregations of Lucas' devoted worshippers. The next Star Wars convention isn't scheduled yet but I'd probably go again. Not only because I love Star Wars, but I also love a good laugh. I only hope that the woman I saw in line with the long graying pony tail to her butt and stained canvas bag at her side that said Crazy Cat Lady wasn't a premonition of myself in 30 years.