Off-roading

This last week I went off-roading in the mountains. What a ride - rocky, unchartered roads, bouncing up and down (good thing the seats are soft), thick clouds of dust, and speed (not the drug of course, just driving fast.) It was kind of like one long Indiana Jones ride. And then as things were winding, I got pensive again as I often do, and started to think of my own life. Similar to when I compared my life to an ipod and mine being on shuffle, I compared my life right now to off-roading. I don't quite feel like I'm on a paved road. I'm cutting through the rocky and wild terrain, a bit blinded by the clouds of dust but trying to move forward inspite of it until I find my way again. Sounds fun, but it's actually a lot of hard work.
So I'm still in the decision-making process but I am enjoying Utah and being with my family. It's fun living with guys again, having free food and toilet paper, and laughing hard and frequently. I went with two of my brothers over the 4th of July weekend to Yellowstone National Park and hiked through Hayden Valley. Perfect weather and scenery but no wolves or bears which means no attacks and therefore no cool scars.

I'll have to stick to getting wounds from things like falling down in the shower (which I actually did once) and playing with our dog Maggie. Other than that, I'm currently studying for the GRE which I plan on taking at the end of the month, doing some freelance work on some church scripts, working on my children's writing (as always), and practicing guitar on the back porch where the horses in a nearby field come listen to me. They're good listeners but they never applaud. I've also been shopping for different kinds of hummus. I really miss Trader Joes. I also believe I may have a future in business as I creamed my family in Indiana Jones monopoly, usurping half the board and not the cheap colors either. I owned all the red, yellow, green, and blue. The summer hasn't been a total loss. And speaking of summer, I can't really even tell it's that season as I have to turn my electric blanket on every night because my house is so cold. Gotta love central air, and I do.

Goodbye to the Ghetto (and LA)

I bid farewell (scoop and wave) to Los Angeles and my unforgettable ghetto apartment as I hit the road for my annual summer trip to Utah. Only this time I'm not sure where I'll be headed when summer is done. I'm sure it will be difficult to live without the helicopter searchlights every other night and the musical vendors selling everything from tamales and strangely colored pastries, to ice cream and pork rinds. I'll miss the 20 minute morning walks to my car, and gallery of graffiti art that seems to change weekly. But all good things must come to an end. Time to say goodbye to Los Angeles. I've been standing at this crossroads for a little while now, feeling the need for a change ever since I returned from Europe last fall. My wandering spirit has grown a little weary and needs a rest (I wish I knew where my Rivendell was). I guess I need to root down my imagination. It has been 3 years of diverse experiences, adventures, and growth that I'll never forget and is difficult to quantify. I'm already anticipating the questions when I get back home of what I was doing here, what I accomplished, how I furthered my career, social standing, measure of economical status in the world, blah...blah...blah. I don't think I'll have very much to show those people. But I guess it doesn't matter because it's really not about them and I have to remind myself that I don't have to prove myself to anyone else but myself. I am so grateful for the time I have been here. It has been so valuable to me and meaningful to my life. I decided to make a brief list of some of the personal things I've been able to accomplish and enjoy while here in LA (that way when people ask me I can just refer them to my blog and move on.) Here they are, in no particular order:

- Wrote 2 feature-length screenplays and continued work on a children's novel
- Completed a writing course with the Institute of Children's Literature
- Volunteered with WriteGirl, a non-profit organization that mentors teenage girls and helps them find their creative voices through writing
- Volunteered at the Los Angeles temple
- Survived as a substitute teacher for 3 years (and never had anything thrown at me)
- Traveled to Europe
- Learned to play the guitar and am writing my own songs (I'm up to four now)
- Co-wrote and directed a documentary
- Fell in love and got my heart broken
- Dated a guy with a porsche and a Swedish accent (not the same guy as the above)
- Got a $350.00 haircut for free from a guy named Ramses III (but that was a while ago, my hair doesn't look that good anymore)
- Saw the Sequoias
- Worked as a pastry chef for a day at a restaurant in Beverly Hills
- Tried out for Tinker Bell (funny story)
- Damaged my perfect driving record
- Ran a 1/2 marathon
- Met several kindred spirits
- Played the saxophone with the Italian Saxophone Quartet (or some famous group)
- Saw Hollywood for what it was and realized I didn't want it
- Made enough money to take every summer off (nothing illegal involved)
- Gained a greater understanding of, and capacity for, tolerance, empathy, and love
- Gained a greater appreciation for family and relationships with others
- Gained greater balance and perspective and formed new dreams from that

It's been a dynamic and dense chapter in my life, a lot of processing going on and I look forward to the next chapter whatever it may be.

Together Again

You have to hear Kermit the Frog singing that (the above title). It's from the Muppet movie when all the muppets have been on various life adventures and are reunited again - much like my entire family finally being all together after at least 2+ years, and re-enacting our own little muppet show. It was just as fun and so fun having my two nieces, Erin and Abby, and nephew Vinny there. I like being the slightly crazy aunt. We rented a beach house in Huntington Beach (not the most exotic place for me since I used to live there but sure was nice to save so much on gas), and as cliche as it may sound it's true - the best part was just being all together. I did double duty this weekend and went to a Christian church Saturday evening and I just have to say I was tempted to switch teams. They have donuts and a coffee bar downstairs for those who want to go to church in their pajamas, exceptional play areas for the kids (I'd probably hang out there), and it was only an hour and a half. If that isn't enough you also get to wear jeans and flip-flops. The friend that took us explained that Jesus dressed casual so they did too. Makes sense to me. Jim Caviezel was a guest and spoke about his experience playing Christ in the Passion and his insights into Christianity and what it means to him. I found it very uplifting and am glad I went. But I also didn't mind putting on my dress and going to my church the next day (even if there were no donuts).

On Monday we went to Long Beach to tour the Queen Mary, the sister ship of the Queen Elizabeth that carried my mom and her family from Switzerland in 1950. We reenacted a picture with some extended family members that were around the same ages the immigrant family would have been at the time. The smallest one, my niece Abby, is standing in as my mom.

The other days we just hung out and went to the beach to get sunburned (I foolishly thought I was immune since I've been a California girl for more than 3 years now. Apparently that does not override being a redhead.) I also brought my guitar (my current boyfriend)and played my new heartbreak song for my family. I think that was the quietest any room had been the whole trip. It was a sweet sting. The guy in the beach house next door, who happened to like redheads (it's good to know some people out there do) heard me practicing on the patio one day and came out with his guitar. We strummed and philosophized about relationships til the mailman passed by and asked if he could play a song he wrote about the post office on my guitar. Everybody's got a song of some kind. We had some family talks about my dad's Parkinson's and how we can support each other better. We even re-kindled our old family song from when we were kids: "We Are Stuck Together, a happy family..." We used to sing it as my dad held up a framed bottle of Elmer's glue. I love my dad. Obviously, he's big on themes, so this year he brought us all kites we were to paint our dreams on and then we could go out and fly them all week. I love the metaphor and am still thinking of those new dreams I will fly on my orange kite. I am so thankful for my family and firmly believe that the most important relationships in the world are the ones with family and close friends you adopt as family. It was a great trip, and though there are a lot of things that are changing and will continue to change, we'll always pull together as family and I'll always love them.

Didn't Leave My Heart in San Francisco

After spending Memorial Day weekend in San Francisco I can honestly say I didn't leave my heart there, but I did manage to laugh and have some fun there. It was a little cold and windy but that didn't stop one of the many homeless from peeing on the street (I got too close before I knew what he was doing.) Opera man was out singing in the cold brisk air too, at the bottome of Union Square and I have to say he was actually quite good. We took a boat to Sausalito on Saturday morning, passed Alcatraz (I probably had long lost cousins that spent some hard time there), and saw some cool Dr. Suess and Smirnov artwork at a gallery. Ate Sushi in Japantown, lotus cakes in Chinatown - interesting and densely sweet - and also bought a pair of red slippers in hopes that clicking them will take me home, wherever that is. (I'm still a gypsy inside but I think that's winding down. I need to take a break from traveling for awhile.) Had my first sourdough bread bowl of crab chowder at Pier 39 and it was sooo good. I'm not sure why the cream base was yellow but I ate it and was happy. I also bought a little cup of crabmeat to enjoy but the wind blew it on the ground for the birds to attack. Even for me, there are some places the 10-second rule doesn't apply. I have to say San Francisco is a pretty expensive city and I did end up spending more than I would have liked, especially the $10 I spent on seeing the new Indiana Jones movie in a theater that smelled like pot and peanut butter. Now I do love Indiana Jones and appreciate George Lucas as a creative force in the universe (mainly because of Star Wars) but all I can say is it's like George Lucas got a tacky gold bow at the dollar store to tie up the loose ends of a saga that was great the way it was. Far-fetched plot, bad dialogue, one-dimensional characters, no depth. I woke up the next day wondering if I only dreamed it was that bad. I was incredibly disappointed. (Okay I'm done being movie critic). The singles ward seemed pretty cool, though I think most of them were out of town too. Monday I went to the MOMA and tried again to appreciate modern art more. It's interesting but still not my favorite. It seems more experimental and unemotional. I really enjoyed O'Keefe's and Matisse's works there though. There's a cool bridge by Eliasson at the top of the museum too that reflects different colors and lights as you walk through. Later in the afternoon we went to Haight and Ashebury - the famous hippy place. Bought some guitar picks and watched the high people. We ate shrimp tacos too. The trip was an educational experience. I learned the sound of machine-gun fire on the corners is not angry city dissidents but the signal that it's okay to cross the street; that a lot of people wear North Face as my friend kept pointing out; that as different as we are from others we're really not that different; and that I think the city life is out of my system once and for all. I'm ready to leave the freedom of anonymity for the challenge of specifity. Good to be back "home" in LA for the time that remains.

Write Girl Write

Saturday was my last WriteGirl workshop with my mentee Kamaria: aka Special-K (I know from the picture you might be wondering who's mentoring who). Actually I've learned a lot from these sessions and wish I'd had a program like this when I was a teenager so I could be that further along as a writer, but I guess the point is I'm on the path. The genre for May was songwriting and it's one of the best. All the girls write lyrics in these writing experiments and then they bring in these professional songwriters who take the girls lyrics and set them to music right then and there. Pure creation in the moment. It's awesome! And now that I've started playing guitar and writing a few songs of my own I was that much more inspired. WriteGirl's been a great experience. I feel like I've been mentored myself, which is good because the more I learn the more I realize the less I know (does that put me closer to Socrates now or at least Barbra Streisand - Yentl?)

I also went to the Chinese Theater in Hollywood this week to see Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. These teen boys in the 80s re-made Raiders of the Lost Ark shot-for-shot over a period of 7 or so years. It was pretty comical and amazing. They went all out too, using an airplane, lighting things on fire, and even the scene of Indy being dragged behind a car. I probably wouldn't mind spending the next 7 summers being Indy Jones, or better yet the love interest. Other than that, I haven't read all my library books yet but I'm put some good dents in them (just like my car) and I've been picking up more writing again too. This week I'm headed down to UCIrvine to be "Nicole Morris" (I'm considering bringing a wig), a medical patient for the 1st years to practice on - nothing too scandalous of course. Should be interesting. I'm going to brush up on my acting skills and pretend I'm in a lot of pain. Great times to be had. And currently the weather's been so hot here that my favorite place lately is my car, where the AC is always working and fills up the space fast. Life is good.

Books books books

My roommate thought I was a nerd when she moved in and discovered the vintage Star Wars poster on my wall, but that was nothing compared to today when I came home with a canvas bag full of library books to go with the other 2 stacks of books on my floor. I am a nerd, I realize this more fully now. But it's all good, I've designated May as my month of reading. I think the LA Times Festival of Books hit it off last weekend. It was so fun up at UCLA campus and with lots of people that are more likely to have something intelligent to say - I mean come on, they actually read. So back to my month of reading. Yes, stories make me feel better, plus I'm doing some research so it's not completely self-indulgent. Most of them are children's novels and books on Norse mythology (good mix, huh?) I have a grand total of 24 books checked out on my library card and I can't promise not to get more. We'll see how many I get through. I may have been overly ambitious. This week some guys at the gym challenged me to a basketball game 2 on 2. They were much bigger than me, with bigger hands. I jammed my right ring finger til it was fat and purple but the good news is my team won. I also had an interesting encounter at school this week with a precocious 7th grader who was mad I wouldn't let him go to the bathroom (he just came from lunch and the teacher left instructions not to let anyone go - most just want to get out and wreak havoc in the halls anyway.) So I look up from my desk about 5 minutes later and this kid, we'll call him Tyquan, is standing in the back corner unzipping his pants and getting into position. Seriously! I couldn't help myself from yelling "Are you kidding me?" across the room. Needless to say, I chewed him out and then let him go the bathroom. He was not going to get away with a good story to tell his friends at my expense. By the way, I'm loving my guitar and practice is coming along pretty well. I got a new tuner and it shows 250 chords. The guy at guitar center gave me a deal (and no, I didn't compromise my standards to get it.) Other than that, I feel a little restless. Trying to map out the next stage of my life. Is that possible? I think that's one reason I love stories so much - the plan, the purpose is right there and you can see the order and design to it. In life, you have to take it on faith and trust that the story's there and the Author's watching over it (unless he got tired of the book and tossed it in a dusty corner where it's collecting cobwebs. I hate spiders.)

Guitar Heroine

(At least that's what I'm aspiring to be now.) Yesterday I went to all the guitar centers I knew - which truthfully weren't that many. I sat in the practice room and played as many as I could to get a good feel for sound, shape, the smell of the wood...ah it was invigorating. I had to find one that fit. It's like picking your wand (I've been reading the Harry Potter books again.) You just have to find one that feels right and fits right and you know it when you play it. I was ecstatic as I carried it out of the store in it's hard black case along Santa Monica Blvd. I think my Bohemian tendencies have finally come full circle. So now I just have to get a book, learn more chords, and practice. I've already written two songs that I keep practicing, which I've discovered has been just as liberating for me as running. Yesterday was really a happy day. I've also been working on a script about Gordon B. Hinckley and have immensely enjoyed the research and insights I'm gaining from it. It's been very uplifting and I'm grateful for that. I've been playing a little frisbee with the kids in the hood too. I'm glad there's kids around here. And a final note, I have to give three cheers for freelance work. On Friday I got up early and did some writing, then I felt like going to the gym to clear my head and ended up playing basketball with a Hispanic guy named Michael who said I was like static electricity out there. I did beat him by the way. I'll admit that it probably helped that he wasn't much taller than me. And when I was done, it was such a beautiful day that I couldn't resist driving to the ocean and having a moment on the rocks by the tide. Just me and my ipod. My life is still a bit on shuffle at the moment (don't ask me what my definite plans are come June) and as disconcerting as that is at times I have to say that it's also made me live life a little more in the moment: to be more present in the present. It has made the concept of life a little richer. Yeah life is good. Who know what the tide will bring in tomorrow.